I'm currently navigating a complex romantic connection with a transgender man as a gay man.

This is a lengthy story, so brace yourself. At the start of December, I ended my relationship with my girlfriend because I was questioning my sexuality and wanted to explore more as a young man entering adulthood. We had been dating for five months, making it somewhat serious, but my extreme sexuality crisis was causing pain for both of us. A week after the breakup, I started dating a guy, which turned out to be a poor choice and contributed to some issues in that new relationship. I didn’t take the time to really get to know him, so I broke it off to allow us some space, but he has severe BPD and attachment issues, which drew me back in, and I started dating him again. I recognize that I unintentionally played with his feelings without being aware and didn’t do enough research on BPD or address his issues properly. I ended things again at the beginning of January, this time to genuinely take a step back and have a longer talking stage to really understand each other. One important point to mention is that I struggle with attaching to people and trusting them, which creates a dynamic of pushing together two very different personalities. Now, regarding his identity as a trans man: he still lives with his parents, who, despite him being out, are very controlling and heavily transphobic due to their religious beliefs. Neither of us can drive yet—I'm working on it—and he's expressed a desire to dress and act more masculinely, but he's felt forced to present himself in a way that feels inauthentic to him. He mainly has female friends who seem to influence him to conform to that feminine persona. While I care for him, his feminine behaviors sometimes make me uncomfortable. His mannerisms and speech can be akin to how a girl interacts with her gay best friend, and I’m not looking to be his gay best friend. Now, onto a more personal aspect. Although I'm on the aroace spectrum, I do want to explore intimacy, which I’ve communicated to him during our deeper conversations. Unfortunately, I learned I don’t enjoy being in the dominant position during intimate moments. I envision a relationship without rigid roles, where both partners can switch it up rather than adhering to traditional dynamics. However, as things have developed, I find myself taking on a more dominant role emotionally and physically, which feels somewhat unbalanced, as I don’t receive the same level of protection from him. He's mentioned using toys to help fulfill my desires, which I’m fine with, but I can’t quite articulate the complicated feelings surrounding our intimacy. He has expressed a willingness to adopt more dominant traits as our connection progresses, but I haven’t seen much evidence of that yet. In previous instances, I'd convey my desire to be held from behind, but those moments have been fleeting. Perhaps our needs and expectations simply aren’t compatible? I genuinely want this to work, but I worry I might be overly critical and focusing only on the negatives. When he presents himself in a more masculine manner, I find it incredibly attractive, but it often doesn't last long. Maybe he needs time to explore and discover himself as well? I’m just voicing the questions that swirl in my mind without concrete answers. What I’m looking to understand from the Reddit community is whether this situation has potential for improvement in the long run. He has shown appreciation for the advice I offer on embracing a more masculine style, and I've considered visiting his home to help him dress that way. I also try to include him in outings with my friends so he can gain some needed “bro time” and gather insights. He has acknowledged his dissatisfaction with his current behavior and how it’s influenced by his friends, and I’m trying to be patient. I’ll stop here since I’ve shared a lot. Please refrain from explicit comments or advice regarding intimacy.