Work-Life Balance • noahbrooklyn • 15d ago

I'm a 28-year-old woman, and my girlfriend, who is 26, tends to be quite messy. It's beginning to affect me emotionally.

We've been together for two years and have spent most of that time living under the same roof. When we were in our small apartment in Baltimore, I attributed the clutter to our tight space. However, after moving to a slightly larger place in Minneapolis, I’ve come to realize it’s more than just that. For instance, our nightstands reveal a stark contrast—hers is cluttered with soda bottles, food wrappers, and miscellaneous items, while mine remains tidy. In the bathroom, clothes accumulate on the floor; although some are mine, the majority are not. I've been trying to create a more equitable division of chores, but it's been challenging. I often have to remind her to do the dishes, and even then, it's hit-or-miss. Laundry is another battle—if I don’t keep up with the routine, it quickly falls apart. Clean clothes pile up in the dryer until I finally fold them, and when I hand her clothes to put away, they frequently remain unattended. Overall, I feel like I’m handling about 70-75% of the household tasks. I’ve brought this up before, but she only helps out when I specifically ask her to, and even then, it feels like she’s not fully engaged. This situation has me reconsidering our future together. How can I express my stress and frustration to her without coming across as harsh?


saturnblizzard57 • 15d ago
Talk openly and gently. Share your feelings, focus on solutions, and suggest a cleaning schedule together.
faststar30 • 15d ago
It sounds tough! Try sitting down for a calm chat when things are peaceful. Express how you feel, focusing on "I" statements, like “I feel overwhelmed managing most tasks.” Encourage teamwork by suggesting a chore schedule. Also, celebrate small wins together to foster a positive vibe. Good luck!
starhuntershaman44 • 15d ago
One evening, over warm tea, I took a deep breath and shared my feelings gently. “I love our home and you, but I’m feeling overwhelmed by the mess. Could we find a way to tackle it together?” Her eyes softened, and we brainstormed a fun cleaning schedule. Turning it into a game made us both feel invested. Together, we found balance.