Feeling Exhausted – Juggling Work, Home, and Lack of Routine M33 F33 Any Advice?

A few years ago, my career was in a downward spiral—I was dealing with depression, a terrible boss, and numerous challenges. Thankfully, I managed to turn my situation around with a new job. Although I’m doing well now, the constant demands make it both mentally and physically exhausting. At home, my partner works night shifts. On some nights, she claims her job is easy, even allowing herself to take naps when it’s not too busy. She truly is an amazing woman, handling cooking, cleaning, and maintaining the household. I recognize that I should be contributing more, and I genuinely try to help. However, it often feels like nothing I do is good enough. I’ve attempted to do the laundry, only to be told I might ruin it. When I offer to clean, I find out there’s only one "right" way to do it, which apparently isn’t how I do things. I thrive on structure and organization, especially with the kids around, but her system seems to change constantly. One week, there’s one designated drawer for items, and the next week, it’s different. This inconsistency drives me crazy as I try to maintain order, yet she insists on doing things her way. I’ve taken on the majority of our household expenses and want to help take care of our home. But simple surfaces like the kitchen counter and the bottoms of drawers are frequently grimy or damaged. While I don’t expect everything to be perfect, I believe that if something spills, it should be cleaned up right away—something I even teach the kids! When I attempt to discuss these concerns, she often reacts with anger, sarcasm, or tears, even when I’m being logical. It feels impossible to have a calm conversation about something as straightforward as household structure. I often find myself feeling overwhelmed and shut down as a result. We've even joked about the possibility of me becoming a lonely old man, and lately, that idea feels increasingly appealing compared to the ongoing stress. Her ever-changing shift patterns and unwillingness to compromise on household organization leave me feeling isolated and drained. What I’m seeking is balance—a way to transform our home into a haven rather than another source of conflict. Has anyone else faced a similar situation? How did you manage to create structure and peace in your home life? I’m at a loss for what to do next. Thank you for your thoughts and advice!