I’m a 19-year-old guy, and I lost my girlfriend’s trust by posting photos on Instagram with girls showing their feet. She shared this with everyone in her life, but she still wants to work things out. How can we rebuild trust together?

Before I started dating my girlfriend, I developed a personal fascination with legs and feet that led me to regularly search for related content on Instagram and save it for myself. While I never acted on it in real life, it became a habit I didn’t take seriously. Two weeks into our relationship, she stumbled upon a folder of saved posts on my account and confronted me. She expressed her hurt and discomfort, asking me to stop, which I promised I would. When she discovered the posts, she was upset and felt as though I was comparing her to tall, slender women and that I didn’t find her attractive. At the time, I misinterpreted her reaction, assuming she was simply insecure about her body and upset with my attraction to a particular body type. I failed to grasp the deeper implications of my actions and how disrespectful they were. I’ve always seen her as perfect and would never intentionally compare her to anyone else. I now recognize that my behavior caused her pain, something I didn’t understand back then. For several months, I succeeded in avoiding this habit, but about nine months into our relationship, similar content began appearing in my Instagram feed again. I secretly started saving it to an alternative account. I told myself it wasn’t a big deal since I wasn’t directly interacting with anyone or doing anything inappropriate. I even rationalized my actions by pointing out that she sometimes watched porn and saved celebrity edits. Looking back, I see this was a poor excuse for my behavior. My habit spiraled out of control; I was sending posts that included images of celebrities wearing open-toed shoes, faceless photos of people from my university, and videos of women dancing. I deeply regret sending the images of people from my university, especially considering I didn’t even know them. I can’t believe I crossed that line, and I now see how much it could hurt her. Two weeks ago, she uncovered the alt account and realized what I had been doing. She confronted me and ended our relationship right away. Initially, I downplayed my actions because I didn’t think they were serious. I wasn’t messaging anyone or engaging with the content, so I convinced myself that they were just harmless images. However, seeing her pain made me fully understand how I had betrayed her trust, and I’m ashamed of what I did. Since that moment, she’s been torn. She’s expressed that her greatest fear is being hurt again. She believes we may be too damaged to repair and doubts my ability to genuinely change. I’ve tried everything I can think of to demonstrate my commitment to change—bringing her flowers, cooking for her, and assuring her I won’t repeat my mistakes. Yet, she’s expressed concern that I’m emotionally manipulating her, which is terrifying for me because that’s the last thing I want. To complicate matters, she has shared what happened with everyone in her life—not just her close friends, but acquaintances as well. Over 20 people are now aware of my actions and have urged her to end things with me. Although her parents don’t view my behavior as severely as others do, they acknowledge that I lied to her, which can be forgiven. Classmates and acquaintances are now aware, and one girl even took it upon herself to warn other girls who are friends of mine. While my friends have assured me they understand, I can’t shake the fear that people will want to ostracize me. Right now, she feels torn because, despite declaring her love for me, she doubts my capacity for change. She fears we are too broken to mend, and I don’t want to give up on our relationship. We both truly love each other and want our partnership to succeed if there’s a chance. I know I have deeply wounded her, and I am willing to do whatever it takes to prove I can improve. Yet, I’m also afraid that it might be too late and that I may not be able to change her perspective. Length of Relationship: Approximately 15 months TL;DR: I undermined my girlfriend’s trust by secretly saving Instagram posts related to feet, despite my promise to stop after she confronted me earlier in our relationship. I rationalized my behavior by pointing to her engagement with porn and celebrity edits, but I now realize how wrong and hurtful that was. After she found my alt account, I’m devastated by the pain I’ve caused her. We’ve both made mistakes, and while she is conflicted, I want to show her that I can change and make things right. How can we both work towards forgiveness and rebuild our relationship?