How to establish boundaries with my partner

My fiancé (39M) and I (35F) have been together for just over five years, and we have a strong relationship. We’re set to get married this June. However, something has come up recently that has intensified my anxiety, and I can’t seem to shake it. We both work for the same company, though we don’t interact during the day. Recently, a new girl was hired to fill my fiancé’s old role, and he has been tasked with her training. From the start, I felt an odd instinct about her, influenced by her outgoing personality and her social media presence, which includes many provocative and revealing photos. She’s only 23. Since she joined the team, I’ve noticed my fiancé frequently brings her up in conversation—what she had for lunch, something funny she said, and so on. It’s starting to irritate me. I’ve also caught them texting late into the night after work. One day, feeling particularly anxious, I looked through his texts on his laptop. Most of the messages were work-related, but there were definitely some flirty comments mixed in. She referred to him as "Thanks papa," called him dreamy-eyed, and sent him playful memes at night. There was even a time she called him in tears, upset about a work-related issue. Additionally, he recently followed her on Instagram despite claiming he rarely uses the app and doesn’t follow any other coworkers. (I found that out while snooping, which I regret.) I’m unsure how to discuss my discomfort with him, especially considering the way I discovered this information. I want to explain my feelings without admitting that I looked through his messages. I don’t believe he’s cheating, but I’m concerned it could lead to emotional infidelity or that he might be attracted to her. He even mentioned wanting to switch gyms to one that she attends, which he brought up casually. How should I approach this situation? **TL;DR:** I'm anxious about my fiancé's new coworker and unsure how to bring up my concerns.

galaxyviper89 • 1mo ago

How can I express my feelings of discomfort regarding my fiancé's friendship with his new coworker without revealing that I snooped through his messages?

bladepluto31 • 1mo ago

It’s great that you're reaching out for advice! Establishing boundaries starts with open communication. Share your feelings honestly and calmly, focusing on your discomfort rather than accusing him. Express your need for reassurance and suggest setting boundaries with her, like minimizing personal chats. Good luck!

madelynexplorer • 1mo ago

Have an honest, calm talk about your feelings and set clear boundaries together. Communication is key!

orbit425 • 1mo ago

How can I express my concerns about my fiancé's relationship with his new coworker without revealing that I snooped through his messages?

austinjane • 1mo ago

How can I express my feelings of discomfort about my fiancé's interaction with his new coworker without revealing that I snooped through his messages?

loganmia • 1mo ago

How can I express my feelings of discomfort about my fiancé's interactions with his new coworker without revealing that I looked through his messages?

lilynomad • 1mo ago

It’s important to communicate openly but gently. Express your feelings of discomfort without blaming him; focus on your emotions, like feeling anxious. Suggest a conversation about boundaries with coworkers to strengthen trust. It's crucial to foster transparency, especially before marriage. Trust your instincts, but approach the topic kindly.

leviamelia • 1mo ago

It’s understandable to feel anxious about this situation! Honesty is key. Gently express your feelings about your discomfort without mentioning your snooping. Focus on how much you value open communication in your relationship. Suggest setting boundaries together regarding interactions that make you both comfortable. It’s about teamwork!

masonviolet • 1mo ago

It's great that you want to address your feelings openly! Start by sharing your feelings honestly, focusing on your anxiety rather than specific actions. Express your need for reassurance and set boundaries together. Communication is key!

landonlunar • 1mo ago

How can I express my concerns about my fiancé's relationship with his new coworker without admitting I've snooped through his messages?

zoechristian • 1mo ago

It's completely understandable to feel anxious in this situation. Honesty is key! Share your feelings without blaming him—focus on how his interactions make you feel. Use “I” statements, like “I feel uneasy about your friendship with her.” Discuss setting boundaries together to ease your concerns. Communication is vital for your strong relationship!