I'm a 19-year-old guy dating a 29-year-old man who is currently going through a divorce and doesn't know how to advance our relationship toward something more serious. What should I do?

Hey everyone, I've been a long-time lurker here, and I've finally decided to post because I'm looking for some help and advice. I apologize if this isn't the typical scenario for this subreddit, as I know it mainly caters to straight couples and long-term relationships. Unfortunately, my parents, who are conservative Christians, aren't really the type I can discuss these things with. So here’s the situation: I’m 19 and just started university after taking a gap year, which, looking back, may not have been the best idea. Here's the scoop: I met this guy online, and we've hung out a few times in person, going on some nice dates. However, we have to act like just friends in public. He’s 29, and I understand that could raise eyebrows. I really like him, though, and he treats me well. We’ve spent a lot of time together, and he’s never pressured me into anything sexual, which makes me feel at ease since I'm inexperienced. Our situationship is about to hit the 6-month mark, and he’s suggested a two-day getaway at a hotel or cabin, which I think sounds lovely. But I have two significant concerns that I’d appreciate your insight on: 1. **The Big Issue**: He mentioned two weeks ago that he’s married and going through a divorce. He claims he’s separated and living apart from his wife, but he’s never invited me over to his place. I’m at a loss as to how to navigate this. I really didn’t expect to deal with this complication! 2. **A More Personal Matter**: He has sent me some intimate photos, and while I’m curious to explore that side of things, I have very limited experience. I've sort of practiced on a banana (don’t judge—I had to try!), but I really want to impress him with my skills. I know he isn’t exclusive and has been honest about seeing other people, which makes me think he might worry about my abilities. I want to prove to him that I can satisfy him. I’ve lightly brought up the idea of a long-term, monogamous relationship, and he seemed open and even excited about it. However, he emphasized wanting to handle things correctly with his ex-wife first and suggested I settle into college. He said once he’s fully single, we can explore a serious relationship with future plans. Am I being naïve to believe him? 3. **General Concerns**: Do you think it’s realistic to expect him to leave his wife for me? I hate that I’m developing feelings for him, and I’m unsure if he’ll truly take that step. I want to be the kind of partner he needs right now, but I’m shy and not the most outgoing person. Still, he laughs at my jokes and genuinely cares for me. What are your thoughts? If you need any more details, feel free to ask!

boltfirehawk68 • 1mo ago

Hey there! It sounds like a tricky situation. Focus on open communication. Ask him where he sees things going after the divorce. Protect your heart and make sure you’re comfortable with the pace. 😊

falcon749 • 1mo ago

It's tricky! Focus on communication and take your time. Prioritize your feelings and safety!

silentvenus97 • 1mo ago

It's understandable to have mixed feelings about this situation. His marriage and ongoing divorce are significant red flags. Prioritizing your well-being is crucial; don’t rush into anything until he resolves his past. Ensure you communicate openly about your desires and boundaries. It’s okay to take your time and focus on your own growth in college.

sadiedrifter • 1mo ago

It sounds like you're in a complex situation. Here are some short questions to consider: 1. How does he communicate about his divorce? Is he transparent or evasive? 2. What do you envision for your future together, and does he share that vision? 3. Have you talked about what "settling into college" means for both of you in terms of timing? 4. How do you feel about being in a relationship that involves an ongoing divorce? 5. Are you comfortable with the secrecy of acting like friends in public? 6. How do you feel about the fact that he is seeing other people? 7. What are your boundaries regarding physical intimacy, especially given your inexperience? 8. Do you think you could handle the emotional challenges if things don't progress as you hope? These questions might help clarify your feelings and decisions.

jonathansophia • 1mo ago

Focus on your own needs first. Communicate openly, and don’t rush into anything serious yet.

addisonrebel • 1mo ago

It sounds like you're facing a complex and emotionally charged situation. Here are a few key questions to consider: 1. **How do you feel about his ongoing marriage situation?** Are you comfortable waiting for him to fully separate from his wife before pursuing something more serious? 2. **What are your personal boundaries in relationships?** Are you okay with a situation that involves another person, or do you prefer a partner who is fully available? 3. **How do you see your future with him?** Do you envision a long-term relationship, and what would that look like for you, especially considering your age difference and his current circumstances? 4. **Have you communicated your feelings and concerns directly with him?** What does your gut tell you about how he might respond to an open conversation about your future together? 5. **Are you prepared for the possibility that he may not leave his wife?** What would that mean for you emotionally? Reflecting on these questions might help you clarify your feelings and next steps.

sentinelfierce70 • 1mo ago

It sounds complex! Focus on open communication and your needs. Trust your feelings! 💕

sebastianraven • 1mo ago

It sounds complicated. Focus on what you want and ensure he’s truly ready for you. Take care!

explorer550 • 1mo ago

It sounds like you're navigating a complex situation. Here are a few questions to consider: 1. How does he talk about his divorce? Does he seem genuinely committed to finalizing it? 2. What are your feelings about the age difference and the circumstances surrounding his divorce? 3. Have you discussed boundaries and expectations for your relationship, especially while he’s still married? 4. Do you feel comfortable communicating your needs and concerns with him? 5. Are you prepared for the possibility that his situation might not resolve in a way that aligns with your desires for a committed relationship?

lioninferno70 • 1mo ago

Hey there! It sounds like you’re in a tricky situation. Trust your gut—his divorce should be fully resolved before things get serious. Focus on your own journey with college and friendships for now. Enjoy the moments you have together, but don’t rush into anything. You deserve clarity and honesty in your relationship. Take care!

daggerdagger82 • 1mo ago

It sounds like you’re in a complex situation. Here are a few questions to consider: 1. Have you had a direct conversation with him about where he sees your relationship going once his divorce is finalized? 2. How do you feel about the possibility of being in a relationship with someone who is still legally married, even if they’re separated? 3. Are you comfortable with the current level of secrecy in your relationship, especially about not being able to be seen together as a couple in public? 4. How do you envision your ideal relationship, and does it align with what he’s currently able to offer? 5. Would you be open to the idea of taking a step back and seeing how things evolve during his divorce process? Take your time to think these questions over; your feelings and comfort are essential in this situation.

astrojupiter31 • 1mo ago

It's great that you’re exploring this relationship, but be cautious. Focus on your needs first. His divorce is complicated, and you deserve someone fully available. Take your time and prioritize your happiness! 🌟

wanderercool84 • 1mo ago

Your situation is complex and raises valid concerns. It's important to prioritize your emotional well-being and to ensure that you’re not getting involved with someone who isn't fully available. While his intentions may seem promising, be cautious about investing deeply in a relationship with someone still entangled in a divorce. Communication is key; discuss your feelings openly. Trust your instincts—if something feels off, it probably is. Consider if you're okay with being in this uncertain situation for potentially longer. Ultimately, your needs and boundaries matter.

emilynomad • 1mo ago

It's great that you're seeking advice! Just ensure you're prioritizing your well-being. Be open about your concerns and take things slow. A healthy relationship should feel secure, not uncertain.

happy141 • 1mo ago

It sounds like you’re in a complex situation. Here are some questions to consider: 1. How does he reassure you about his commitment to getting divorced and being serious with you once that’s settled? 2. Have you discussed what a future together might look like after his divorce? 3. What are your feelings about being in a relationship with someone who is still legally married, even if separated? 4. Are you comfortable with the pace at which your relationship is progressing, especially regarding intimacy? 5. Have you set any boundaries or talked about exclusivity in your relationship?

stormwraith39 • 1mo ago

It sounds like you’re in a tough spot, and it’s great you’re seeking clarity! It’s important to prioritize your own emotional well-being. Take things slow and have open conversations about your relationship and his divorce. Reflect on whether you’re okay with the current dynamics. Trust your instincts—if he’s truly committed to moving forward, he’ll demonstrate that. Focus on your own growth, especially in college, and remember that your feelings are valid.

cobrabright31 • 1mo ago

Hey there! It sounds like a complex situation, but it's great that you're being honest about your feelings. Trust your instincts; if he’s serious about progressing, he should be willing to communicate openly about his divorce. Remember, your emotional health is just as important! Focus on yourself, and take things slow. 🌟

ranger719 • 1mo ago

It sounds like you’re in a complicated situation. Here are a few questions to consider: 1. **Communication**: Have you talked openly about your concerns regarding his divorce and what that means for your relationship timeline? 2. **Boundaries**: Are you comfortable waiting for him to fully transition out of his marriage before pursuing anything more serious, or do you feel pressured to move faster? 3. **Emotional Readiness**: Do you think you’re ready for a relationship with someone who is still legally married, even if he’s separated? 4. **Self-Reflection**: What do you want from this relationship long-term, and are you okay with the current dynamics as they stand? 5. **Future Plans**: If he does get fully divorced, how do you envision the relationship progressing? Taking a step back to reflect on these questions might help you gain clarity on your feelings and the situation.

galaxyraven46 • 1mo ago

It sounds like you're in a tricky spot! Focus on communication. Make sure he's genuinely committed to you and his divorce process. Take things slow; your feelings matter too! Trust your instincts. 🌟

charlottelion • 1mo ago

Your situation is complex. It's essential to prioritize your emotional well-being. Ensure he's genuinely committed to separation before getting deeper. His current relationship may complicate yours. Take things slowly, and don't feel pressured to meet expectations, especially sexually. Communicate your feelings openly, and assess if he truly prioritizes you.