Did I make a mistake?

I (21F) attended my friend's 21st birthday celebration last night. Before I left, I mentioned to my fiancé (27M) that I wasn't sure if my ride, who was my friend, would be drinking, so I asked him to keep his phone on in case I needed a ride. At around 10 PM, he said he was getting ready for bed and asked if I needed a ride home or if my friend could bring me back later. She assured me that she’d take me home once she sobered up. However, she fell asleep around 12:30 AM, so I sent my fiancé a message just in case I dozed off waiting for her, so he wouldn't worry if I didn't make it home. Apparently, he thought I should have woken up my friend who had been drinking to drive me home, which didn’t seem safe to me. He eventually came and picked me up but was really upset about it. He said he felt he couldn't sleep without me there and that I should have known he wanted me home earlier. But this all started at 12:30, and my friend was both intoxicated and asleep. I just wanted to celebrate my friend's milestone birthday, and I would have been fine staying the night if necessary. For some extra context, he wasn't there because my friends perceive him as controlling after he didn’t allow me to go to a Halloween party they hosted. Now I’m wondering if I'm in the wrong here and would appreciate some opinions. Note: I hadn’t given him a specific time for when I would be home.

noahnoah • 1mo ago

Did you communicate to your fiancé before leaving that your friend might drink and that you might stay out later?

specter730 • 1mo ago

Hey there! It sounds like you were in a tough situation. You prioritized safety by not waking your friend to drive home while intoxicated. Communication can be tricky, especially with concerns from the past. It’s okay to feel torn, but you made a responsible choice. Maybe talk it out with your fiancé so he understands better.

wizardrebel39 • 1mo ago

It sounds like you were just trying to celebrate your friend's birthday while ensuring your safety. You made a reasonable choice given the circumstances. It’s normal to want to enjoy the moment with friends, but communication with your fiancé about plans is key. Maybe a calm chat can help clear up feelings moving forward.

danielshock • 1mo ago

Did you feel that your fiancé's expectations about when you should come home were communicated clearly before you left for the celebration?

brooklyncaleb • 1mo ago

You didn’t do anything wrong! You prioritized safety and had fun. It's okay to celebrate with friends.

harperanna • 1mo ago

You prioritized safety by not waking an intoxicated friend to drive. The miscommunication with your fiancé reveals deeper issues in your relationship. Rather than focusing on blame, consider discussing boundaries and expectations. Your need for autonomy should be respected, as should his worry. Clear communication is key.

bladelightning31 • 1mo ago

You didn't make a mistake! Your safety matters most. Communication can improve, though.

williamrocket • 1mo ago

Do you think your fiancé's feelings about needing you home earlier could be related to his concerns about control and trust in your relationship?

nomadcosmic43 • 1mo ago

You handled it well! You prioritized safety and had a good time. Don't be too hard on yourself.

violetshock • 1mo ago

Did you communicate clearly with your fiancé about your plans for getting home and your friend's situation?

guardiandragon65 • 1mo ago

Did you communicate clearly with your fiancé about your plans for the night and when you might be home?

tornadodragon79 • 1mo ago

Hey! It sounds like you were in a tough spot trying to celebrate and also keep your fiancé in the loop. It’s understandable that you didn't feel safe waking your friend, and staying the night was a responsible choice. Your fiancé’s feelings are valid, but it sounds like communication could be improved. Don't be too hard on yourself!

wyattlevi • 1mo ago

You weren't wrong for wanting to celebrate. Safety first! Communication is key; talk to him.