My boyfriend [20M] is so amazing that I feel undeserving of him [19F].

I [F19] and my boyfriend [M20] have been friends for five years and have been dating for nearly a year now. I had feelings for him for over a year before we officially got together, as we were online friends living about two hours apart. He was quite shy and reserved, which made me worry that he might not feel the same way since he rarely opened up about his emotions. Luckily, I earned his trust, and we started communicating more—basically every day, whether studying or gaming together. After three months of our situationship, I finally had an opportunity to confess my feelings. I love him dearly. He is helpful, responsible, caring, communicative, intelligent, and so much more. His main struggles are his low self-esteem and stubbornness. While I can manage the stubbornness, it saddens me to see how he views himself. I do my best to show him that he is loved, valued, and an incredible person. I’ve noticed some progress, especially in terms of his shyness. He is becoming more open about his needs and fears. Initially, he would dismiss his own feelings, believing my well-being was the only thing that mattered, and that he could never improve. Since we are in a long-distance relationship, we see each other about once a month, and I always try to make the most of our time together. He is my first boyfriend, which made him a bit insecure at first, but with each meeting, he’s become more comfortable with me. My love languages are gift-giving and quality time, along with physical affection. I adore cuddling with him and would do it all day if I could. Every time we meet, I give him gifts. I even learned how to crochet to make him handmade presents, and I’ve taken up baking to prepare cookies and cakes. I’m also learning to cook so I can make him home-cooked meals. Despite all this effort, I still worry that I'm not doing enough. He has a knack for choosing gifts for me. Even though I’m not big on presents, he always brings me chocolates or other things I love for holidays and birthdays. However, recently I've started to feel like it might be a bit excessive. The last time he visited, he left behind some earbuds and a book I had wanted. When I discovered them, I was thrilled and thanked him, but he never acknowledges that he gifts me anything. He insists they must have come from someone else or completely denies giving me things. It’s not just playful teasing; he genuinely avoids admitting it. He also surprises me with in-game gifts that make me happy, but he downplays those as well. When we meet, I often try to cover expenses since I feel guilty about how much he buys for me. I never even have to ask for anything; he just notices simple things I mention without realizing it. For example, right before he gave me the earbuds, I had lost mine and mentioned how foolish I felt for leaving them on the bus. It annoys me a bit that he won’t acknowledge his thoughtful gestures, but recently he took me by surprise in an emotional way. After he visited, I found a graphic tablet he had left tucked away among some boxes in my room. He didn’t say anything because he wanted to see how long it would take me to discover it. I felt a bit guilty though. Just yesterday, I returned home after spending the weekend with him, and he handed me some cash, saying I should treat myself. I struggle with reading people's emotions and intentions, so I kept checking if he was sure about giving it to me, and he confirmed each time. I’m currently short on money, and taking it made me feel uneasy. I considered returning at least half of it, but he insisted I keep it. I won’t disclose how much it was, but it allows me to treat myself to another tattoo while still keeping some of it. Still, I feel like I’m not giving him enough. I'm unsure if I’m overreacting. I want to know what he would like, and since I’ve mentioned being low on funds, I usually prepare handmade gifts and get him chocolates. Recently, I even bought him flowers—something I’m not particularly fond of, but I wanted to make the effort for Valentine’s Day. I put a lot of thought into selecting a beautiful bouquet, hoping he’d appreciate it. (Not that I would be upset about receiving flowers, but I’ve expressed my thoughts against wasting money on them. Honestly, he could give me a simple stone or a blade of grass, and I’d treasure it.) I still worry that he’s giving me too many expensive gifts, and I don’t know how to reciprocate. I genuinely want to give him the world, but I'm unsure what else I can do. He never complains or seems upset, but I can’t shake the feeling that if I were in his shoes, I would have grown weary of my own behavior long ago. He’s aware of my mental health struggles, always perceiving when I’m upset or frustrated—even if I try to hide it. He’s incredibly understanding on bad days and helps me feel better. I attend therapy, and one of my ongoing issues is stress and anxiety. I often react emotionally without reason, especially with him, which has resulted in me unjustly accusing him of things he hasn’t done, all due to overwhelming emotions. He understands me so well that when I start to message him, he reassures me by saying things like, “You don’t have to apologize; I know you don’t mean it.” He truly is the best partner I could ever want, yet I still feel inadequate in reciprocating his love, especially with my occasional unpredictable behavior that I struggle to control, even as I work on it in therapy. What can I do to be a better girlfriend? I’m not ungrateful; I just feel guilty about the generous gifts he gives me. How can I show my appreciation? Sometimes I feel like the only way to repay him is through grand gestures. In the past, I even wrote him letters using my own blood to express my love and devotion—a practice my therapist advised against, even though I claimed it didn’t hurt me. To me, it was a way to demonstrate my dedication.