Looking for assistance and guidance.

I’ve been with my girlfriend for over a year now, and we’re both 19. Our relationship has been generally positive, but being with her has prompted me to reflect on myself for the first time in my life. I’ve realized there are aspects I need to improve upon, such as validating her feelings, listening to her without focusing on my own emotions, showing more empathy, and setting my pride aside. Lately, I've been motivated to make changes that will enhance our relationship. I’ve noticed that we hardly argue anymore, and she’s mentioned that nothing bothers her now because I’ve made the necessary adjustments. However, I sense she may be holding back from fully expressing herself, fearing that I might dismiss her feelings. I understand where she’s coming from, and I want to support her until she feels comfortable opening up again. Being in this relationship has also made me confront my own shortcomings. I know I can be envious, jealous, and quick to anger, and I want to address these flaws not just for her, but for myself too. She inspires me to strive for better, to treat others more kindly, and to let go of past hurts in favor of living in the present with positivity. She even motivates me to explore my faith and consider attending church to become a better man. I truly want to build a life with her. Despite our youth, this relationship feels like home to me. I can cry in her arms without feeling ashamed; she makes me feel safe. Recently, I’ve been overthinking whether this is love, and I can’t pinpoint why I’m questioning it. All the signs from what I feel strongly indicate love. Yet, in moments of doubt, I worry that I might be holding her back. The Bible teaches that love is selfless, patient, and kind—qualities that I recognize I still need to develop. I’m willing to learn, and if therapy is necessary for me to grow and stay with her, I’m open to that. It’s confusing because I care deeply for her, yet I find myself battling negative thoughts about our love. I suspect I have OCD, which complicates my thought processes. If I don’t complete a task just right, I fear dire consequences. For instance, I often feel compelled to redo things until I feel they’re perfect, which can be exhausting. I recognize that I lack experience in expressing love and kindness, having grown up in an environment where I didn’t witness romantic love. This lack of familiarity makes it hard for me to naturally perform gestures of love; instead, I feel like I have to force myself to do them, leading me to believe I’m a bad boyfriend. Additionally, I struggle with feelings of envy when she demonstrates intelligence in various areas. Often, I find myself thinking, “Does she think she’s better than me?” I realize this stems from my self-esteem issues, and I want to change. I don’t want to harbor resentment; I want to admire her and celebrate her strengths. I plan to consult a psychiatrist soon, as I understand these thoughts are unhealthy and I need help sorting through them. In short, I love her deeply and value our relationship. I need to work on myself to ensure I don’t jeopardize this amazing connection we share.