Finding ways to manage my ADHD so it doesn't negatively impact our relationship.

Hi everyone, I'm reaching out for some advice on managing a relationship where ADHD is a factor. I've been with my partner (F21) for four years, but I often find myself self-sabotaging in ways that impact both of us. While we can go months without any arguments, there are times, usually after minor disagreements, when I become overwhelmed with anxiety and tears. During these moments, I struggle to control my reactions and end up expressing a version of myself that I don't like, often feeling like I'm watching it unfold without knowing how to stop it. For example, if she occasionally feels tired and isn't in the mood for intimacy, I spiral into overthinking and panic, which makes a minor issue feel huge. This isn't something that happens often, but I can't help but treat it like a crisis. I find myself unable to sleep unless I get what I want, only to wake up and feel guilty about how I handled things the night before. Additionally, I tend to idealize weekend plans and feel crushed if she decides to spend time with a friend, especially after not seeing her for long stretches. I genuinely want to change this pattern—I know I'm a good person and a supportive partner, but I fear that my actions might make her see me differently. Does anyone have insights or strategies that could help me navigate this situation? Thank you!