Family Conflicts • matthewnebula • 19d ago

Parents disapprove of long-distance relationships.

Hello everyone, I'm a 22-year-old male (M22) currently in a long-distance relationship with a wonderful 21-year-old girl (F21). We've been together for a year and a half, and I’d like to share my situation with you—apologies if my English isn’t perfect. We both live in Italy and met after she attended an event nearby. Our communication started through text, and after a couple of weeks, I shared our budding relationship with my parents, who were initially supportive. Eventually, we became a couple, and after a month, I visited her, where my parents also had the opportunity to meet her. Following this meeting, however, my parents began to express doubts about her. They started critiquing her appearance and even asked mutual acquaintances about her character, despite not knowing her personally. I want to clarify that she comes from a good family and has always treated me with love and respect. She is supportive and understanding, and our bond is strong. Her parents have embraced me like a son, and we often communicate via video calls. Unfortunately, my parents view our relationship as unattainable due to the distance and have unfounded concerns that she is not sincere. This despite the fact that both her family and friends are aware of and support our relationship. They have even objected to us sharing pictures together on social media, despite me having their consent. I've attempted to limit what my parents can see online, but others still fill them in, leading to them expressing their displeasure. They believe it reflects poorly on me, which I fail to understand, as she is my girlfriend. I've discussed this situation with her, and it genuinely hurts her. Despite the negativity, we remain committed to each other and are determined to make it work. However, my parents consistently criticize her without understanding the depth of our relationship. Conversations often escalate into arguments, and they show no desire to accept her or get to know her family. Throughout this ordeal, my girlfriend and her family have been a source of support for me, which sometimes feels more reliable than my relationship with my own parents. It’s puzzling because I generally have a good relationship with them, except when it comes to this issue, where they are inexplicably intrusive. Last summer, my girlfriend and I planned a day out with her parents, which my own parents took poorly, despite me informing them of our plans. This leads to arguments whenever I return home after spending time with her. They claim to have heard "rumors" about her family, which are baseless, and their refusal to listen to my reassurances is disheartening. A few months ago, my mother even managed to get my girlfriend's mother’s phone number to argue with her directly, telling her to advise her daughter to stop seeing me. This was not only inappropriate but hurtful, and it upset both my girlfriend and her mother immensely. More recently, my father took it upon himself to show up at my girlfriend’s house to confront her parents while they were away, which shocked both her and me. This kind of behavior feels like an infringement on our autonomy as adults, and I have tried to explain this to my father, but he doesn’t seem to understand. My girlfriend and I are feeling the strain of the situation, but we continue to support one another. We are also backed by friends and her family who understand our commitment to each other. It’s disheartening to see such outdated mentalities still prevalent in society today. This ongoing issue has left me feeling desperate for change, as nothing seems to sway my parents' opinions. I’ve even considered moving out to escape the negative atmosphere and regain some peace in my life. It’s difficult, but I just want to lead a stress-free life where I feel understood and supported by my family. Thank you for taking the time to read this lengthy post. I welcome any advice or perspectives you might have.


lilysamuel • 19d ago
Have you had an open and honest conversation with your parents about how their actions are affecting you and your relationship?
madelynguardian • 19d ago
Hey there! It's tough when family doesn't support your relationship, especially when you know it's genuine. Focus on open communication with your parents, but also prioritize your happiness. Surround yourself with supportive friends and your girlfriend's family. If needed, consider setting boundaries with your parents to protect your peace. Stay strong!
charlottethomas • 19d ago
What steps have you taken to communicate your feelings to your parents about their behavior?
blade881 • 19d ago
It sounds like you're in a tough position, balancing your love for your girlfriend with your parents' disapproval. It's important to communicate openly with both your girlfriend and your parents. Consider setting boundaries with your parents about the relationship topic and express how their actions affect you. If things don’t improve, you might explore more independence, like moving out. Remember, relationships evolve, and it's okay to prioritize your happiness and the love you share. Take care!
skydrifter46 • 19d ago
It's tough when parents don't understand your love. Stay strong with your girlfriend and set healthy boundaries. Remember, your happiness matters. Focus on the support around you!