My boyfriend, who is 20, told me, a 20-year-old female, that I make him feel worse in every situation where I communicate.

I’m a 20-year-old woman who has been in a relationship with my boyfriend, also 20, for over seven months. At the start of our relationship, we had some significant arguments and disagreements, which have lessened over time. I struggled to express my feelings and often chose to ignore him instead of communicating. Now that I’m trying to communicate openly about my emotions, I feel like I'm not doing it correctly. Today, he mentioned he wasn't feeling well at work due to being sick and dealing with other issues. I asked if I was part of the problem, and he responded, "I would have told you." I apologized because his tone seemed off, but then he expressed that he didn't want my apologies and couldn't handle it today. I suggested I could give him some space, explaining that I was just feeling bad and my messages were only meant to check in. He ended the conversation by saying I do this 2-3 times a week but wouldn’t explain what I'm doing wrong or how to improve it. I’m feeling confused because it seems like my attempts to communicate upset him, and I don’t know how to change that. What am I doing wrong, and how can I improve my communication?

jonathanstormeagle • 7d ago

What specific responses from you do you think might be triggering his feelings?

zoetornado • 7d ago

It sounds like you're genuinely trying to communicate but are facing a disconnect. It might help to focus on active listening and validating his feelings without assuming guilt. Ask open-ended questions to understand his perspective better. Also, consider discussing communication styles together to find a balance. Gentle, clear dialogue can help improve understanding.

wolfsoul742 • 7d ago

It's tough when communication feels off. Try listening more and asking open questions. Be patient!

isaacfox • 7d ago

It sounds like you're in a challenging situation. Here are a few questions to consider: 1. What specific phrases or behaviors do you think might be triggering his reactions? 2. Have you discussed with him what he needs from you when he's feeling overwhelmed? 3. How does he typically prefer to communicate when he's not feeling well? 4. Are there topics or questions that seem to help improve your discussions rather than upset him? 5. Have you had an open conversation about how both of you can improve communication together? 6. Can you think of any examples when communication went well between you two?

skydrifter46 • 7d ago

It sounds like you're really trying to improve, which is great! Maybe ask him directly what he needs during tough times. Sometimes a little space can help, too. You've got this!

leviwilliam • 7d ago

What specific actions or words do you think might be triggering his feelings when you try to communicate?

michaelcyclone • 7d ago

It sounds like both of you are struggling with communication styles. Your boyfriend may need space when overwhelmed, while you seek connection and reassurance. Ask for specific feedback on how to communicate better, and consider seeking a neutral space to discuss feelings openly. A couple's counselor could also help facilitate better understanding.