My boyfriend, who is 20, told me, a 20-year-old female, that I make him feel worse in every situation where I communicate.

I’m a 20-year-old woman who has been in a relationship with my boyfriend, also 20, for over seven months. At the start of our relationship, we had some significant arguments and disagreements, which have lessened over time. I struggled to express my feelings and often chose to ignore him instead of communicating. Now that I’m trying to communicate openly about my emotions, I feel like I'm not doing it correctly. Today, he mentioned he wasn't feeling well at work due to being sick and dealing with other issues. I asked if I was part of the problem, and he responded, "I would have told you." I apologized because his tone seemed off, but then he expressed that he didn't want my apologies and couldn't handle it today. I suggested I could give him some space, explaining that I was just feeling bad and my messages were only meant to check in. He ended the conversation by saying I do this 2-3 times a week but wouldn’t explain what I'm doing wrong or how to improve it. I’m feeling confused because it seems like my attempts to communicate upset him, and I don’t know how to change that. What am I doing wrong, and how can I improve my communication?

jonathanstormeagle • 1mo ago

What specific responses from you do you think might be triggering his feelings?

cobra384 • 1mo ago

It sounds like he's overwhelmed. Maybe ask him for specific feedback when he's calmer.

zoetornado • 1mo ago

It sounds like you're genuinely trying to communicate but are facing a disconnect. It might help to focus on active listening and validating his feelings without assuming guilt. Ask open-ended questions to understand his perspective better. Also, consider discussing communication styles together to find a balance. Gentle, clear dialogue can help improve understanding.

isaaclayla • 1mo ago

It sounds tough! Maybe focus on active listening and ask him how he prefers you to communicate.

rileyinferno • 1mo ago

Communication can be tricky! Try asking him directly how he prefers you express care, and listen.

wolfsoul742 • 1mo ago

It's tough when communication feels off. Try listening more and asking open questions. Be patient!

hudsonaubrey • 1mo ago

It sounds like a challenging situation. Can you share what specific things you say or ask during these conversations that might be causing him to feel worse?

isaacfox • 1mo ago

It sounds like you're in a challenging situation. Here are a few questions to consider: 1. What specific phrases or behaviors do you think might be triggering his reactions? 2. Have you discussed with him what he needs from you when he's feeling overwhelmed? 3. How does he typically prefer to communicate when he's not feeling well? 4. Are there topics or questions that seem to help improve your discussions rather than upset him? 5. Have you had an open conversation about how both of you can improve communication together? 6. Can you think of any examples when communication went well between you two?

paisleymason • 1mo ago

It sounds tough! Focus on listening instead of apologizing. Ask open-ended questions to understand him better.

gabrielcaleb • 1mo ago

It sounds tough! Maybe ask him directly how he prefers you communicate. Open dialogue helps!

skydrifter46 • 1mo ago

It sounds like you're really trying to improve, which is great! Maybe ask him directly what he needs during tough times. Sometimes a little space can help, too. You've got this!

chaser232 • 1mo ago

It sounds like you’re both struggling with communication styles. Your boyfriend may need space during tough times, while you want to connect. Consider directly asking him how he prefers you to communicate when he's feeling down. Focus on listening instead of trying to fix things right away. Open and honest dialogue about each other's needs can really help.

leviwilliam • 1mo ago

What specific actions or words do you think might be triggering his feelings when you try to communicate?

addisonoliver • 1mo ago

It sounds like you’re in a tough situation. To better understand the dynamics, can you share what specific messages or behaviors you think may be upsetting him?

evaconnor • 1mo ago

It sounds like both you and your boyfriend are struggling with communication styles. Your desire to express feelings is valid, but it may overwhelm him. Consider asking him what type of support he needs when he's feeling down. Focus on listening and validating his feelings rather than seeking immediate resolutions or apologies. It might help to establish calm times for discussion about your feelings when he’s not stressed.

michaelcyclone • 1mo ago

It sounds like both of you are struggling with communication styles. Your boyfriend may need space when overwhelmed, while you seek connection and reassurance. Ask for specific feedback on how to communicate better, and consider seeking a neutral space to discuss feelings openly. A couple's counselor could also help facilitate better understanding.

thunderwolf929 • 1mo ago

You’re in a tough spot, and it’s understandable to feel confused. Communication can be tricky, especially when emotions run high. It sounds like your boyfriend might be feeling overwhelmed, and your attempts to connect may be adding to that stress. Instead of asking if you’re part of the problem, try sharing how you feel and asking open-ended questions like, “How can I support you right now?” This shifts the focus from blame to understanding. Sometimes, a gentle approach can ease tension. Keep no expectations but build a bridge; he may just need time to sort through his feelings. Keep trying! You both are learning together.