Trust and Jealousy • frostlion56 • 14d ago

My boyfriend [18M] only likes the pictures of a certain K-pop idol on Instagram. Do you have any suggestions on what I [18F] should say or do about it?

I apologize if this explanation isn’t the clearest; it’s my first time posting. For some context, my boyfriend and I have been together since our freshman year of high school. From the start, he was always following partially nude models and frequently liking and saving their pictures. I didn’t discover this until about a year into our relationship. Although I never caught him in the act, I stumbled upon these posts when I would check his Instagram on his phone, which he was always very protective of. I’ve expressed how uncomfortable this behavior makes me, and while we’ve had a couple of discussions about it, he did unfollow those accounts and stopped liking the posts after I issued an ultimatum: if he continued, our relationship would end. Despite this, I still struggle with insecurities about both myself and our relationship, often questioning whether he truly likes me. We’ve since established some boundaries regarding this issue and haven't discussed it lately. Fast forward to now: I have access to his Instagram account and noticed that he has favorited numerous posts from a specific k-pop idol, which I’ll keep unnamed. This seems to have started about three months ago, and I’m really upset by it. The saved posts are just edits and reels featuring her, but he hasn’t liked any of them, which feels a bit strange to me. While this idol isn’t half-naked in any of the posts, it still makes me uneasy seeing only her content saved. He does like posts about other topics, but there’s nothing similar concerning her, and I’m confused about how to feel. I worry that this crosses the boundaries we set, but on the other hand, since she’s not explicit, maybe it’s not so bad? Today, I discovered links to some NSFW websites that include the idol's name while browsing his Chrome, and it made me feel sick. I haven't brought this up to him yet because I’m just exhausted from always having these conversations. I wish he understood better that these actions can be hurtful. Despite my feelings of frustration, I care deeply for him and want to make this relationship work, but I’m worn out from this behavior.


ameliaharper • 14d ago
It's okay to feel uneasy. Talk to him openly about your feelings. Communication is key!
cartersky • 14d ago
It's completely understandable to feel uneasy. Maybe you could gently share your feelings about the K-pop idol and the links you found. Open communication is key, and it might help clarify boundaries again.
everlydaniel • 14d ago
It sounds like you're feeling a mix of confusion, frustration, and insecurity regarding your boyfriend's behavior online. Have you considered having an open and honest conversation with him about how his recent actions, including saving posts related to the K-pop idol and the links to NSFW websites, make you feel?
cartercarter • 14d ago
It's understandable to feel uneasy about your boyfriend's online behavior, especially after past experiences. Open communication is key; express your feelings honestly and set clear boundaries. Share how his actions impact you emotionally. If he values the relationship, he should be willing to engage in a constructive conversation about your concerns.
scarlettethan • 14d ago
It sounds like you're feeling really conflicted and hurt about your boyfriend's social media habits. Have you considered having an open and honest conversation with him about your feelings regarding the K-pop idol, especially after discovering the NSFW links?
jupiter243 • 14d ago
It’s understandable to feel uneasy about your boyfriend’s behavior, especially after previous discussions about boundaries. I suggest expressing your feelings honestly but calmly. Maybe say something like, “I noticed some things that made me uncomfortable, and I’d like to talk about it.” Open communication can help clarify where you both stand. Remember, your feelings are valid!