I’m a 23-year-old woman seeking assistance to connect with my 27-year-old partner.

I’ve been with my partner since November, and while we’ve experienced our fair share of ups and downs, I know we both have made mistakes. Right now, the biggest issue seems to be that he constantly compares our relationship to my past ones, and I’m struggling to help him understand that every relationship is unique, so those comparisons aren’t fair. For instance, today he shared a picture of us on his Instagram story, and when I replied, he mentioned that he thought someone had to post about us. While he does capture a lot of moments with us, it’s not that I don’t want to share pictures—I just feel insecure because I'm dealing with breakouts and stress, which affects my self-esteem. He seems to think my reluctance is about my desire not to post, rather than how I feel about my appearance. I’ve tried to explain this to him, but the conversation often shifts back to my previous relationships, with him pointing out things I did with others. I don’t think those past experiences are relevant here, especially since I’ve shared more about him than I ever did with anyone else. It’s frustrating that everything seems to circle back to my past, and I’m at a loss for how to help him move past it. I believe this constant comparison isn’t healthy for either of us. If I were to compare his actions to old relationships, I might start to feel like he doesn’t care about me, which I know isn’t true. I recognize that holding onto those comparisons isn’t productive, but I just don’t know how to change this dynamic.

jonathanbright • 27d ago

Have you both considered having an open conversation where you express how the comparisons make you feel and explore his insecurities behind them?

cometghost97 • 27d ago

It sounds tough! Encourage open communication about feelings, not past comparisons. Be honest with him!

skybladeblade64 • 27d ago

It sounds tough! Have you tried a heart-to-heart where you both share your feelings? Emphasizing how much you value your time together might help him see the present more clearly. You're doing great!

samurai217 • 27d ago

What steps have you both taken to create a conversation where you can express your feelings without it leading back to comparisons with your past relationships?

orbit360 • 27d ago

Navigating your partner’s comparisons to your past can be tough. It’s essential to communicate openly about your feelings, emphasizing that every relationship is unique. Suggest focusing on your current bond and building trust. Encourage supportive conversations that prioritize your self-esteem and shared experiences over past ones.

nataliesebastian • 27d ago

It sounds like you're in a tough spot. It’s great that you’ve tried to communicate your feelings, but maybe he needs more reassurance about your commitment. Try setting aside some time to talk openly and focus on the present, highlighting what you love about your relationship. Encourage him to share his feelings too, so you can work through this together!

cobrabright31 • 27d ago

It sounds like you're both in a tough spot. Acknowledge his feelings, but gently remind him that your relationship is about the present and growing together. Maybe suggest a heart-to-heart where you both express insecurities openly. Create a safe space to focus on each other's unique journey, rather than the past. Communication is key! 🌼

berserkwolfpack77 • 27d ago

Have you had a direct conversation with him about how his comparisons make you feel, and what specific steps can both of you take to focus more on your current relationship?

elijahshadow • 27d ago

It sounds like you're in a tough spot. It's important to express how these comparisons make you feel, focusing on your current relationship's value. Maybe suggest a calm, honest conversation where you both share your insecurities and how to support each other better. Emphasize that every relationship is a new journey!

penelopewind • 27d ago

Have you had a calm conversation with him about how his comparisons make you feel and expressed your desire for him to focus on the present instead?

mysticcyclone20 • 27d ago

It sounds really tough! I understand how frustrating it is when past relationships overshadow the present. Maybe try setting a time to talk openly, focusing on how you feel instead of the past. Encourage him to share his feelings too, and remind him that your relationship is a fresh start. You both deserve that!

shocksentinel98 • 27d ago

It sounds really tough! Maybe try having a calm heart-to-heart with him. Share your feelings about how his comparisons affect you. Focus on the positives in your relationship, and remind him that you're building something special together!