Help! I'm a 27-year-old man, and she's 26. Should I be feeling guilty about this or not?

Last year, I encountered a man on social media who frequently liked my stories and attempted to engage in conversation. After some time, I reached out to express my desire to explore a serious connection. He responded that he wasn’t interested in games and was only keen on being exclusive. I shared his sentiment, as I prefer to focus on one man at a time for my safety. We both communicated our intentions and grew closer over the following months, connecting through calls and FaceTime. Eventually, we decided to take a trip together to Arizona, as I live in Washington and he resides in Florida, making it a long-distance relationship. During the trip, I conveyed my wish for my next relationship to be my last, emphasizing the importance of honesty and communication. I made a point to be open and truthful because I refuse to live with shame. However, we clashed frequently during our time together. Though I voiced some of my concerns, I withheld others to avoid being judgmental, which sometimes led me to overlook red flags. One concerning instance was when he drank and drove, even asking me to pour him a drink while he was behind the wheel, which made me uncomfortable but I complied to keep the peace. On another evening at our Airbnb, while I was enjoying some drinks and smoking weed, he inquired about my past relationships. I mentioned feeling like I had experienced one-night stands because men would deceive me, professing love only to leave once they got what they wanted. I was a bit inebriated and didn’t fully explain myself, which may have caused him to feel uncertain about me. When he asked for the number of partners I had, I said I wasn’t sure. After some prodding, I replied, “probably the same as you.” When he mentioned 25, I agreed, but the truth is, my past is often so painful that I don’t dwell on it. Even though the trip continued and we had sex multiple times, he never communicated any issues. When I saw him at the airport in Arizona, I felt an instant connection and wanted to be with him, despite the ups and downs we had experienced so far. However, one night he left me alone at the Airbnb to go for a walk to listen to music, which made me feel abandoned, especially since our accommodation was in a less-than-safe area. He even mentioned mingling with homeless people during his stroll, increasing my anxiety. I chose to leave and go to family nearby. I packed my things but couldn’t find the keys. When he returned, he was intoxicated and unhelpful in locating them. Eventually, I found the keys and expressed my feelings of fear and neglect throughout the trip. Despite his insistence for me to stay, I felt compelled to help him when he became ill from drinking, having dealt with alcoholism in my family. During the rest of the trip, we faced ongoing tension. Although I am a physically affectionate person and he described himself similarly, he refrained from showing any public displays of affection. Unknown to me, he had already decided to break up with me after I shared my past. As our trip came to an end, he kissed me goodbye at the airport after which he sent a text breaking up with me, leaving me heartbroken and feeling used. We talked it out and he expressed regret for his actions, so we resumed our relationship. However, I later discovered he had been talking to other women, evidenced by his phone repeatedly lighting up with messages he ignored. We faced numerous challenges over the next year. I wanted him to demonstrate his commitment to me, yet he misinterpreted this as needing to spend money. I didn’t care for material things; all I wanted was his assurance that I was the only woman in his life and that he would choose me through thick and thin. We navigated long-distance visits, during which I introduced him to my family and made an effort to spend time together. Yet, every interaction often ended with him taking out his frustrations on me, keeping in mind the mental toll of his demanding job and experiences of racism he faced as a Black merchant mariner. I tried to support him, but I often felt overshadowed by those other relationships he kept. Despite my openness and good intentions, he struggled to shed preconceived notions, assuming I would judge him like others had before. Although I wanted to accept and understand his flaws, he used my past against me. He frequently reminded me that he could be with other women who might not challenge him as I did. I never cheated or brought other men into our relationship, often waiting a week for him to return to me before moving on. When he expressed issues, I tried to simply listen and be there for him, choosing to agree with him to avoid further conflict. I made sacrifices for our relationship, even going into debt because he claimed I hadn’t contributed enough. Ultimately, I wanted him to truly see and appreciate my perspective and love me for who I was. We’ve broken up and reconciled multiple times, with him usually reaching out a week later after having had a change of heart. Yet, it seems he never fully grasped the depth of pain he caused me.