My husband is not interested in being intimate or engaging in sexual activities.

I'm at a loss about how to begin addressing our situation. Let me share some background. My husband, who is 39, and I, 34, have been married since 2023, though we were in an on-and-off relationship for 13 years prior to tying the knot, with about four of those years being more stable. We’ve experienced numerous highs and lows together. After our wedding in 2023, I discovered he had a drug addiction and that he had been unfaithful to me during our engagement while under the influence. Thankfully, he has been sober for eight months now, and we've been working hard on our marriage this past year. Currently, however, our intimate life is lacking. We rarely have sex—maybe once or twice a month, if that. I often find myself pleading for intimacy. When I try to initiate it, he frequently responds with excuses, such as being too tired or that it’s too late in the evening (around 7 or 8 PM). I even try to spice things up with sexy attire, only to be met with laughter and comments about going to bed instead, which leaves me feeling foolish and hurt. I’ve attempted to discuss why this is so troubling for me, but the conversations usually end with him saying I’m focused only on sex or that he has sex with me once, thinking that should suffice until I bring it up again. It feels like he believes that one encounter should be enough for the entire month. In the past, we used to share intimacy three to four times a week unless it coincided with my menstrual cycle. I’ve invested in toys, lingerie, and even role-play, but nothing seems to catch his interest. I often question whether I’m to blame, but he assures me I’m not. Yet when we do engage, he struggles to finish or goes soft once we become intimate. The disparity in the level of effort I put in compared to what I receive is disheartening. He doesn’t seem to have any issues with pornography, though. There was one instance that really hurt me: after being disturbed by his snoring, I opted to sleep on the couch. When he woke up, he was kind enough to cover me with a blanket and sit down to watch sports. I waited, hoping he’d come to get me to return to bed, especially since I had tried to initiate intimacy the night before and been turned away. Instead of reaching out to me, he sat there rubbing himself while watching pornography. I discovered this through our living room camera, and it left me feeling incredibly upset—he chose that over being intimate with me. I feel lost and don’t want to continue in a sexless marriage. We’ve even talked about having a second child, but how can we consider that when our physical connection is so minimal? We do share moments of affection like kissing, holding hands, and cuddling before sleep, and he often compliments me on my looks, but that's where it ends. It has been a month since our last sexual encounter, despite my efforts to initiate intimacy multiple times this week, all of which have been rejected. I’m beginning to lose my self-esteem and feel more like a roommate than a spouse. I’m unsure what steps to take next. What should I do?