My boyfriend, who is 40, is facing challenges with desire, and I'm a 25-year-old woman. How can I support him?
My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for just over a year now. We share a strong romantic and intellectual bond and enjoyed a vibrant and healthy sex life until about two months ago. I typically have a higher libido than he does, which hasn’t been an issue for me—until recently. Over the past couple of months, I’ve noticed that he seemed less interested in sex whenever I tried to initiate it. At first, it didn’t really bother me, but then he completely stopped initiating altogether. He also ceased responding to the private photos I sent him. When we did have sex, he wasn’t as engaged, which left me feeling frustrated. However, I rationalized that it might just be a phase with his libido and chose not to press the issue. This past weekend, I finally opened up about my feelings of frustration, particularly around feeling undesired. He shared that he’s been struggling with his sexual desire since the holidays. He reassured me that it’s not due to anything I've done, that he still finds me attractive, and expressed a desire to rekindle that aspect of our relationship. While he isn’t sure why he’s been feeling this way, we agreed that improving our communication would be a positive step. We hadn’t discussed it sooner because I recently had an abortion, and with both of us juggling work trips, emotions were already high. I've started to wonder if our busy schedules contribute to this issue. He runs two businesses, and I have my own in the same industry, all while managing the responsibilities of being a single mom. He tends to keep busy, often feeling anxious if he hasn’t accomplished enough with work or household chores. We also have frequent work trips together as well as apart. He has a weekend getaway planned for my birthday, and we discussed bringing along some toys. He even asked me to pick a surprise for him. I also bought some lingerie, and a friend suggested I wear it while we're out and send him a photo from the bathroom to build anticipation before we head back to the hotel. I’m starting to feel a bit anxious and self-conscious about taking these bold steps. Logically, I know he loves me and that there’s no need to worry, but I really want to help reignite our intimacy. I’ve never faced a situation like this before and am unsure how to navigate it. Has anyone else encountered something similar? How did you both work together to strengthen your connection?