Sexual Problems and Intimacy • orbitnebula95 • 20d ago

My boyfriend, who is 40, is facing challenges with desire, and I'm a 25-year-old woman. How can I support him?

My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for just over a year now. We share a strong romantic and intellectual bond and enjoyed a vibrant and healthy sex life until about two months ago. I typically have a higher libido than he does, which hasn’t been an issue for me—until recently. Over the past couple of months, I’ve noticed that he seemed less interested in sex whenever I tried to initiate it. At first, it didn’t really bother me, but then he completely stopped initiating altogether. He also ceased responding to the private photos I sent him. When we did have sex, he wasn’t as engaged, which left me feeling frustrated. However, I rationalized that it might just be a phase with his libido and chose not to press the issue. This past weekend, I finally opened up about my feelings of frustration, particularly around feeling undesired. He shared that he’s been struggling with his sexual desire since the holidays. He reassured me that it’s not due to anything I've done, that he still finds me attractive, and expressed a desire to rekindle that aspect of our relationship. While he isn’t sure why he’s been feeling this way, we agreed that improving our communication would be a positive step. We hadn’t discussed it sooner because I recently had an abortion, and with both of us juggling work trips, emotions were already high. I've started to wonder if our busy schedules contribute to this issue. He runs two businesses, and I have my own in the same industry, all while managing the responsibilities of being a single mom. He tends to keep busy, often feeling anxious if he hasn’t accomplished enough with work or household chores. We also have frequent work trips together as well as apart. He has a weekend getaway planned for my birthday, and we discussed bringing along some toys. He even asked me to pick a surprise for him. I also bought some lingerie, and a friend suggested I wear it while we're out and send him a photo from the bathroom to build anticipation before we head back to the hotel. I’m starting to feel a bit anxious and self-conscious about taking these bold steps. Logically, I know he loves me and that there’s no need to worry, but I really want to help reignite our intimacy. I’ve never faced a situation like this before and am unsure how to navigate it. Has anyone else encountered something similar? How did you both work together to strengthen your connection?


happyhappy78 • 20d ago
It sounds like you're navigating a delicate situation with care and thoughtfulness. Here are some questions that could help you and your boyfriend explore this further and strengthen your connection: 1. Have you both discussed specific ways to reduce stress and create more relaxed moments together? 2. What are some activities you both enjoy that could help foster intimacy outside of the bedroom? 3. How do you both feel about setting aside dedicated time for each other, free from work responsibilities? 4. Have you talked about what intimacy means to each of you beyond just physical closeness? 5. Are there any underlying issues, such as stress, fatigue, or emotional well-being, that you think might be affecting his desire? 6. How do you feel when you send him photos, and have you discussed this form of communication together? 7. Would he be open to exploring professional support, like a therapist or counselor, to address any deeper struggles with desire? 8. How do you think you both can better support each other’s emotional needs during this period? These questions may help unlock deeper conversations and create a safe space for both of you to express your needs and feelings.
fierce870 • 20d ago
It sounds like you're being very thoughtful and proactive in trying to support your boyfriend while also addressing your own feelings. Here are a few short questions to help guide your approach: 1. Have you talked about any specific stressors in his life that might be impacting his desire? 2. What activities aside from sex make both of you feel connected and intimate? 3. How do you both feel about scheduling regular quality time together to strengthen your bond? 4. Would he be open to exploring any potential underlying issues, like stress or anxiety, with a professional? 5. How can you reassure him that your feelings of frustration aren’t about blaming him but rather about wanting to connect more deeply?
aubreywillow • 20d ago
Supporting your boyfriend requires patience and open communication. Focus on creating a stress-free environment and prioritize quality time together. The getaway is a great opportunity—embrace it! Share your feelings honestly and encourage him to express his. Trying new things, like using toys and sending flirty messages, can reignite intimacy. Remember, understanding and emotional support are key.
thunderwolf648 • 20d ago
It sounds like you're navigating a complex situation with care. Have you and your boyfriend discussed specific ways to reduce stress and create more intimate moments in your busy schedules?
blizzard636 • 20d ago
Just be patient and understanding. Keep communication open, and enjoy your getaway together!
outlawninja55 • 20d ago
Support him with patience and creativity. Communicate openly, and try fun surprises to reignite intimacy!