My boyfriend, who is 24, doesn't pay attention to what I enjoy in bed.

It's concerning because he has recently shown a lack of desire for me, expressing that he's worried he might seek attention elsewhere since he feels I'm not giving him any. I've explained that my lack of attention is due to my own struggles with intimacy lately. It seems to revolve around his needs, and he rarely checks in to see if what he’s doing is enjoyable for me. For example, he doesn’t perform oral on me, which I’m okay with, but I always go down on him because I enjoy it. It just doesn't feel reciprocal. When I finally shared my preferences with him, he made some improvements for about two weeks, but now he's reverted to behaviors that honestly just cause discomfort. He tends to start touching me but rushes toward the end goal without consideration. I’d appreciate any advice on how to communicate my concerns to him again without making him feel insecure. I want to enjoy our intimacy, but he doesn’t seem to grasp what I need. Since we're nearly two years into this relationship, it feels even more awkward to bring up that he's been causing me discomfort and isn't getting it right.

piratelunar52 • 12d ago

It sounds like you're navigating a tough situation. Genuine communication is key. Try sharing your feelings in a gentle way, focusing on how his actions impact your intimacy. Express that intimacy is about both of you, and it’s okay to ask for what you enjoy. Maybe suggest exploring together to boost connection.

jupiterfire67 • 12d ago

Talk to him openly and gently. Share your feelings and needs clearly. Try setting aside time for honest discussions about intimacy.

penelopebrooklyn • 12d ago

It’s essential to prioritize open and honest communication in your relationship. Approach the conversation gently but clearly outline your feelings, focusing on your needs rather than his shortcomings. Avoid blaming language; instead, say how certain behaviors affect your intimacy. Emphasize your desire for mutual enjoyment and connection, and encourage him to share his thoughts too. Building intimacy is a two-way street, and both of you deserve to feel satisfied and understood.

shocknebula22 • 12d ago

How can you express your needs and concerns to your boyfriend about intimacy in a way that encourages open communication without making him feel insecure?

anthonyhawk • 12d ago

Have an honest, calm talk. Share feelings gently, focusing on mutual enjoyment.

dragonridershaman30 • 12d ago

What specific changes would you like to see in your boyfriend's behavior during intimacy, and how can you express those preferences without making him feel attacked or insecure?

rebeldragon25 • 12d ago

It's great that you want to improve communication with your boyfriend! Try a gentle approach: choose a calm moment to express your feelings without blame. Use “I” statements, like “I feel uncomfortable when...”. Remind him that intimacy is about both partners' needs and highlight what you enjoy about your time together. Perhaps suggest exploring new things together or even scheduling time to check in about your desires. A mutual understanding can help rekindle the connection!

calebchris • 12d ago

It sounds frustrating! I recommend a heart-to-heart chat where you express your feelings openly but gently. Focus on sharing your needs without blaming him. Maybe suggest exploring each other’s preferences together. Good luck!