Is there a way to address my partner's (39M) loss of sexual attraction towards me (39F)?

It's been a long journey, but I've finally reached a breaking point. Our relationship has been rocky since December, and we've been seeing a therapist. I've put in a tremendous amount of effort, meeting all the expectations set before me, while he has done very little. He often reassured me that as we grew closer, expressions of love and planning special activities together would come naturally, but that hasn’t happened. He consistently made excuses for our lack of intimacy, which I foolishly accepted. When we did manage to be intimate, it was infrequent, perhaps once a month, and felt more like a chore than a connection. Although he hasn't had a high sex drive throughout our relationship, when we did have intimacy, it was wonderful—adventurous, playful, and fulfilling. After a few weeks of feeling emotionally closer and more connected, I made a regrettable request: I asked him for a flirty text. He seemed open to the idea at first, but eventually became frustrated, saying he couldn’t bring himself to send one despite setting aside time to try. He knows I have a high sex drive but feels unable to engage. When I asked him what would turn him on if texts weren't enough, he suggested, “take better care of yourself.” I’ve actually lost two to three dress sizes in the past nine months and have made more effort in my appearance, but that still doesn’t seem to meet his expectations. He thinks I should wear a full face of makeup and have perfect hair every day, which is just not me. Despite my weight loss and conscious effort to dress well lately, my self-esteem has plummeted. This has led me to scrutinize my body more closely; I’ve noticed more of a “muffin top” than ever and try to find lingerie that conceals it. I know I still have more weight to lose, and I’ve been trying to dress nicely and wear make-up to make him find me attractive. I suspect part of this issue is influenced by a friend who recently had bariatric surgery and lost a significant amount of weight, transforming from a size 28 to a size 8. She is slim and dresses alluringly, both socially and at work, and she always looks put together since she's a hairstylist. We see her often; our sons are best friends. My husband enjoys spending time with her, taking our son to play dates and for meals, which adds to my feelings of insecurity. I can't help but think he desires me to emulate her or may be drawn to her. Feeling utterly shattered, I spoke with our couples therapist privately last night. My husband is trying to schedule his own session with the therapist but hasn't received a response yet. He prefers to wait for the therapist's guidance rather than discuss things with me. The therapist mentioned the sudden changes point to deeper issues and asked if I thought my husband was being unfaithful or comparing me to others. I love my husband dearly and have made significant sacrifices for him and our son. It feels like my options are limited to drastic measures like plastic surgery or waking up earlier for an extensive beauty routine, neither of which I genuinely want. I believe my skin looks good without heavy makeup, preferring just mascara and lipstick. Ironically, he didn’t like my wedding makeup because he said it didn’t reflect my true self, yet now he seems to want something very different. There’s something I’ve never shared with him or our friends because I know it would hurt him deeply: I don’t find him physically attractive. He’s tall, and that’s nice, but beyond that, I can’t muster the attraction. I won’t elaborate further; I still want to support him and acknowledge that he dresses well and looks smart, having lost weight. He aims to achieve the physique he’s always desired by 40, and I feel he expects me to do the same. He even gifted me fitness equipment for Christmas. However, my desire stems from emotional attraction rather than just physical appearance. How can we make this work if he seems focused solely on the external? In the past, we’ve had passionate weekends filled with excitement and intimacy, and he regularly reassured me of my attractiveness. Recently, I’ve felt confident, especially after losing weight and dressing in what I know he likes, so I can’t understand why he now seems less interested. I still get carded sometimes, as I look younger than I am, and I want to feel like enough for him again. Has anyone else experienced this, and is there hope for recovery, or are we destined to drift apart?