Sexual Problems and Intimacy • cosmicfire59 • 19d ago

Is it possible for me [20F] to trust my boyfriend [22M] once more?

I (20F) have been in a relationship with my boyfriend (22M) for 10 months. Two months ago, I discovered hundreds of explicit and sexual posts saved on his phone across various social media platforms. When I confronted him, he confessed to having struggled with an addiction for years, which had affected his previous relationship as well. He had been deceiving me and hiding this from me for months, even though we spent nearly all our time together. This revelation was particularly hurtful because I had made it very clear at the start of our relationship that I felt uncomfortable with him consuming porn or sexual content. I had even shared how I ended a past relationship over a similar issue due to the pain of betrayal and the increase in my insecurities. After finding out, I initially broke up with him, but we reconciled a few weeks later. Since then, things have been going really well. He agreed to go to therapy, imposed restrictions on his phone, and has given me open access to it. He has reassured me multiple times that he genuinely wants to change for both my sake and for his own health. We recently returned from a week-long vacation with his family, and we’re even looking for places to move in together. I truly felt like we were in a positive place. I'm not the type to snoop through my partner's phone, which is why I missed the saved posts for so long, but I had a gut feeling yesterday and decided to take a look. To my dismay, I found three explicit posts saved from the same creator that weren’t there just a few days ago. When I brought it up, he first claimed he didn’t mean to save them, then explained that his social media feed was pushing sexual content his way. He said he saved some explicit posts in an attempt to unsave them later to see if that would help reset the algorithm, since the "not interested" button hadn’t been working (and I’ve noticed that it can be unreliable). He insists that he wouldn't be foolish enough to repeat the same mistake after everything that transpired. However, I find his explanation hard to believe and I'm unsure about how to proceed. I don’t want to be naive, but I also don’t want to assume the worst if he really is trying to change. Things have been really good lately, and I love him deeply. I'm feeling quite overwhelmed about this situation. TL;DR: I found explicit posts saved on my boyfriend’s phone two months ago, which violated a boundary we set early in our relationship. He admitted to a long-term addiction, committed to change, went to therapy, and placed restrictions on his phone. Things were going well until I found three explicit posts saved again. He claims he was trying to fix his algorithm and wasn’t actively engaging with the content. I want to trust him, but I’m struggling. How should I move forward?


samurai440 • 19d ago
It's understandable to feel overwhelmed. Trust can take time to rebuild, especially after betrayal. Communicate openly with him about your feelings, and consider whether his actions align with his words. Trust your instincts!
happy291 • 19d ago
It's tough to navigate trust after betrayal. Focus on honest communication and see if his actions match his words. Trust builds over time.
orbit956 • 19d ago
Have you had a candid conversation with him about how his actions are impacting your trust and feelings?
ninjaspecter71 • 19d ago
Trust takes time to rebuild. Have an open chat with him about your feelings and set clear boundaries!
specter319 • 19d ago
It's tough when trust is shaken like this. It's great he’s trying to change, but your feelings matter too. Communicate openly and set clear boundaries. If he respects them, maybe you can rebuild trust gradually. Take your time! 💖
wolfsoulpathfinder52 • 19d ago
How do you feel about the changes he’s made since your initial confrontation?
infernoranger96 • 19d ago
How do you feel about your boyfriend's efforts in therapy and the changes he's made so far?
violetthunderwolf • 19d ago
It sounds like you’re in a challenging situation. Have you communicated your feelings about the recent discovery to him and discussed what trust looks like moving forward?
noaholiver • 19d ago
It's tough to navigate trust. Have a heartfelt convo about your feelings and boundaries. Communication is key!
icesolar74 • 19d ago
It’s tough, but trust takes time. Talk openly about your feelings. Trust your instincts! 💖
zoepulse • 19d ago
I understand how overwhelming this situation feels for you. Trust is hard to rebuild after a breach, even with genuine effort. Since you love him and things have been improving, consider having an open, honest conversation about your feelings and boundaries. Trust your instincts, but also give space for possible growth. Set clear expectations for the future, and ensure you both prioritize communication. Remember, it’s okay to take your time in deciding what feels right for you.