I don't feel secure or safe in my relationship unless we are intimate frequently.

As the title indicates, I recognize that I'm at fault here; I understand that this points to some underlying issues within me. The reality is, on the days when my partner and I don’t have sex, I find myself descending into a negative mental space. I feel unattractive, question the strength of our relationship, become jealous and paranoid about whether he still wants me, or if there’s someone else he might be interested in. I know this reaction isn't normal, and strangely, I've never felt this way before my current relationship. In fact, during my previous relationships, I had a lower libido and didn't feel a strong need for sex. I might have inadvertently made my ex-partners feel how I do now, and perhaps this is a form of karma. What troubles me is that, upon reflection, the reason I lacked a strong sex drive back then was likely because a) I wasn’t content in those relationships, or b) I simply wasn’t that into my partners. In contrast, my current partner embodies everything I could have ever wished for—he’s kind, patient, caring towards me and my children (who are not his), hardworking, humorous, and so much more. I feel incredibly fortunate. At the beginning of our relationship, I realized, "Wow, I actually do have a sex drive when I’m with someone I truly connect with." Given how I used to feel and why, I can’t help but worry that he might not be as happy with me as he appears, which is why he doesn’t want to have sex every night or even every other night sometimes. To clarify, we do have sex around 3-4 times a week, with three times being the average. However, I’m usually the one initiating it about 90% of the time. I can't shake the feeling that if I didn’t take the lead or express interest, it could possibly stretch to an entire week without him initiating on his own. For additional context, my past serious relationships were both abusive; my exes wanted sex every night, to the point where one of them assaulted me while I was asleep multiple times, leaving me waking up to a situation where I felt forced to comply under threat due to his volatile temperament. Although those experiences were deeply traumatic and I never want to encounter anything like that again, I realize I've unfortunately internalized the idea that loving someone equates to having sex every day or even multiple times a day. So when my partner doesn’t want sex every night, my mind spirals, and I struggle to understand it. I start to feel unattractive and unwanted. I genuinely don’t want this to jeopardize our relationship, yet at least once a week, I find myself in tears, panicking because my partner hasn’t wanted to have sex—which is absolutely his prerogative. I feel terrible about this. I never want him to do anything against his will; I just can’t seem to handle it emotionally. For further context, I’m autistic and have ADHD. My emotions can escalate quickly, my self-esteem is quite low, and I struggle with emotional regulation. I also tend to think in black-and-white terms, which I’m actively working to improve. Recently, I started medication for my ADHD, hoping it will assist with my emotional responses as well.