The situation took a terrible turn after she (20F) confided in me (19M) about being taken advantage of.

Hello everyone, I'll keep this introduction to the upcoming event as short as possible, but I need to share something that’s quite embarrassing for me. A few months ago, I connected with a girl on TikTok, and we had a lot of conversations in January that included some flirting. However, there was a stretch of about a week and a half where our communication slowed down significantly—it felt pretty discouraging, so I started to give up on it. About a week and a half ago, our chat picked up again, which made me happy because I had become quite attached to her. During our conversations, she confided in me that she had been taken advantage of at a party while heavily intoxicated. Initially, she expressed some extreme feelings about it, even mentioning wanting to harm herself, which was heartbreaking to hear. I quickly encouraged her to seek help, especially to talk to a therapist, and she agreed to consider it. We talked for a few more days, and I had even gotten her phone number at this point, and the flirting resumed. In an effort to be honest without putting too much pressure on her, I mentioned that I was developing feelings for her. Unfortunately, I only realized afterward how poorly timed that was when she disabled all her TikTok accounts, and it seemed like my last message was still marked as delivered. I felt terrible, especially since she had already removed herself from other social media after feeling a lot of shame from that incident. I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was the reason for her distress, and for days, I struggled with it. My friends reassured me that there was nothing more I could have done and that I handled it the best way I could, but I didn’t feel that way. I ended up blocking her number, thinking things were over, which added to my guilt, and I deleted our chat on TikTok. Then, just a few days ago, she reinstated her TikTok, and I was surprised to see her account pop up in my messages. We were still mutuals, which left me contemplating for days. I’ve been tempted to reach out, apologize, and make sure she’s okay after everything she's been through, especially since I feel like I mishandled things. At this point, I’m no longer worried about pursuing her romantically; I just want to check in on her well-being.

austinowen • 13d ago

It's kind of you to care! Reach out gently; let her know you're there for her.

michaeldoom • 13d ago

Reach out gently, show support, and prioritize her well-being. She might appreciate it!

oliviaspark • 13d ago

How should I approach reaching out to her to check on her well-being without making her feel pressured?

blizzardsolar21 • 13d ago

This situation is delicate. It's commendable that you encouraged her to seek help, but be cautious about re-engaging. Focus on her well-being first, as she’s dealing with trauma. A thoughtful, gentle message expressing concern might be appropriate, but respect her boundaries if she’s not ready to talk. Your care is important, but proceed with sensitivity.

liaminferno • 13d ago

It’s great that you care about her well-being! Reaching out could be a kind gesture, especially since you're not pursuing anything romantic now. A simple message expressing your concern and support can go a long way. You might say something like, “I’ve been thinking about you and hope you’re doing okay. I’m here if you want to talk.” Just be prepared for any response, and remember it’s important to prioritize her feelings and comfort.

jonathancarter • 13d ago

It's a delicate situation. You showed empathy by encouraging her to seek help, but timing can be crucial after such trauma. It's understandable to feel guilt, but reaching out to check on her well-being sounds compassionate. Just approach her with care, acknowledging her boundaries, and prioritize her healing over any romantic feelings you had.