My boyfriend's mother [25 M] holds me [26 F] responsible for everything she disapproves of regarding her son.

The situation is as dire as it appears. My boyfriend, who is 21, has a mother who frequently goes through episodes where she spends the entire week criticizing him for every little thing and blaming me for his behavior. This isn’t the first time, and unfortunately, it likely won’t be the last. A few months into our relationship, which will be two years this May, she expressed her frustration about the amount of time he spends with me. I tried explaining that it’s not solely my doing; he struggles with anxiety attacks whenever I have to leave for any reason. I'm talking about severe reactions, including tears, difficulty breathing, and chest pains. This is my first serious relationship, and I genuinely love him, so I suggested that he try therapy or seek professional assistance, knowing that his reactions weren’t normal. However, both he and his family are opposed to therapy, so I’ve had to support him through this challenging phase. I distinctly remember conversations where she insisted it was my fault, claiming that I was demanding his constant attention. She even went so far as to suggest he keep his options open and try talking to a neighbor’s daughter who had just moved in, despite his assurance that he’s only interested in me. Another issue has been his reluctance to socialize. I encourage him to spend time with his cousins, who are practically his only friends these days, but he declines, saying he doesn’t want to waste time with them when he could be with me. He was invited out of town for his birthday, and while I urged him to go, he always refuses. His mother then claims that it’s because I don’t allow him to talk to anyone else, even though he insists it’s his choice not to hang out with them. Currently, it seems her main concern is his sleep schedule. I agree that it’s not ideal and have asked him to improve it, but he says he has always had trouble sleeping. For most of our relationship, he has taken melatonin to help, yet she accuses me of calling him during his supposed sleep hours. It’s frustrating because I juggle two jobs and often get only about four hours of sleep a night. I only call him when he specifically asks me to, which sometimes sacrifices my own sleep. Yes, I know it can seem like I’m doing a lot; it sometimes feels overwhelming. I understand that relationships require considerable effort and shouldn’t be abandoned at the first sign of trouble. As this is my first real relationship, I genuinely want it to work, yet I find it difficult to deal with his family more than I have to. I’ve put in so much effort to try and build a rapport with them, but they are convinced I’m a bad influence and that he can do better. In the beginning, my self-esteem was low, and I sometimes cried myself to sleep, but now it’s more exasperating than anything, especially since I’m trying to support him in the same way. I’m feeling lost and unsure of how to move forward, aside from encouraging him to move out of his parents’ house so we can live together, which is a goal we’ve set for the end of the year. However, I’m starting to doubt how much longer I can handle this. I hate to acknowledge it, but I’m feeling increasingly drained, and my lack of sleep isn’t helping at all.