I have been in a relationship with my 34-year-old partner for a year and I’m thinking about separating.

I've been dating my girlfriend for about a year now, and we're both in our early to mid-thirties. We met at a concert, attended another together soon after, and began dating, enjoying a mostly happy year together. However, we do find ourselves arguing quite frequently, often over trivial matters. This has been more common than what I'm used to from previous relationships. Our disagreements can become quite intense. My partner, whom I'll refer to as Geri, has admitted that during these arguments, she sometimes gets so angry that she says she "sees red," making it impossible for her to hear anything I say. Afterwards, she sometimes says, “Why didn’t you mention that earlier? It would have made a difference”—even though I had mentioned it, but she was too angry to listen. I also struggle with feeling like I'm not prioritized. There have been times when she has lied to me, broken promises, or canceled plans abruptly for other commitments. I know this sounds bad, but she has her reasons and there’s more to the story (feel free to DM me if you want to know more). After a particularly heated argument recently, I believe I’ve finally started to grasp the dynamic at play. I think her insecurities lead her to escalate arguments when she senses me pulling away. Instead of confronting her fear of being abandoned or feeling "unlovable," she tends to take control over the situation by initiating conflict. Regarding the feeling of being prioritized, I think she feels close enough to me that she uses me as an emotional outlet, while presenting a more polished version of herself to her friends. When she feels secure, she might overstep boundaries and be somewhat disrespectful; when she fears I'm leaving, she instigates arguments as a way to regain control. This creates a toxic cycle that spirals into negativity. After a few days apart following our latest fallout, we came back together and she reached a similar realization. I asked her whether she truly wants to be with me or if my need for prioritization feels needy or overwhelming to her. She admitted that while she was very loving towards a past partner, mistreatment led her to become more independent. I had come to the conclusion that our relationship might not progress further. The arguments began last June, and while it's hard to track their frequency, they certainly haven't decreased, averaging at least one or two per month. Although we tend to resolve them a bit quicker than before, there’s still slow progress. Her willingness to work through these issues has caught my attention because I still love her deeply. However, I wonder if we can truly move beyond this dynamic, or if these traits are ingrained. Ideally, we would overcome these problems to focus on the positives, but I’m uncertain whether she can "unlearn" these behaviors—many of my friends believe they have become part of her personality.