Relationship advices

Toxic Relationships • 12h ago

My unusual connection with a friends-with-benefits (33M) at 29F. Is there anything more I can try?

I met someone online, and we began a casual relationship in January 2023. At first, I didn't think much of him, and we started hooking up, which led me to become attached. We stopped communicating after a text exchange turned awkward when I casually mentioned that I "like" him during one of our encounters. Looking back, it seemed like a careless thing to say, and I couldn't pinpoint why I did. We didn't talk again until February 2024 when he unexpectedly reached out. I had spotted him near my home a few days earlier but chose to ignore him as I walked past. Fast forward, and we resumed seeing each other casually through the summer. I noticed he had an impressive memory, recalling nearly every detail of our past conversations. He'd reference things I said during our first meeting or comments I made the previous year. Things then took another turn—I'd started realizing that our encounters coincided suspiciously with the times I stepped out of my apartment to run errands. We were still connected through the dating app we met on, which indicates how close someone is to you, adding to my discomfort. Things escalated further when he mentioned he was interviewing for a job in my industry, which is quite niche and closely related to where I work. I was honestly taken aback by this coincidence. Given that he had previously expressed that he considered us strictly casual friends with benefits, this felt excessive. It made me uneasy when he became moody after I went on a date, probing about where I had been and reminding me that he knew people who worked there. Generally, he seemed very interested in my dating life and romantic history, sometimes making subtle digs about my job. At one point, during a hookup, he asked when I last had sex, and another time, he wanted to know when I last finished. I didn’t answer because we weren’t exclusive, but his probing was unsettling. All of this gave me a sense of possessiveness and jealousy from him. There was also a summer incident where a neighbor began stalking me. I decided to go off the grid completely and used that as the reason for deleting the app, feeling it gave him too much awareness of my whereabouts. Additionally, we shared a community of activists, and I ran into him several times, making me feel he was more intertwined in my life than I had anticipated. A couple of months ago, I ended things with him, expressing that I felt "too attached." He reiterated that he wasn’t interested in a committed relationship and put the decision of whether to continue on me. This struck me as somewhat defeatist when I was looking for solutions, and honestly, I'm not someone who thrives in casual arrangements as he framed it. I've been grappling with his contradictory behavior and how it clashes with his stated intentions. While I don't have concrete proof of anything, I feel a need for validation that I did the right thing by ending our situation and blocking him. I recognize there’s potential for plausible deniability, but this whole situation just feels off. In summary, I ended a friends-with-benefits arrangement but still feel uneasy about it. I’m unsure if I should take further action or if my instincts are valid.


Family Conflicts • 12h ago

What are some strategies for dealing with conflicts about student debt with my mom (46F) as a 26-year-old woman?

Hey everyone, I’m in a bit of a tough spot following a big argument with my mom regarding a past due statement that recently arrived at her house, and I could really use some guidance on how to handle the situation. For some background: I graduated in 2020 with around $10,000 in student loan debt, which I’ve been paying off gradually. During my final year of college, I moved out and have been living independently since then. My mom and I don’t communicate much anymore (a long story), but I still care about her. Recently, she called me upset about a past due statement and sent me a picture of a Parent Plus loan from 2016 for $18,000 that hasn’t been paid and has since accrued interest, bringing the total to $23,000. I was taken aback. She accused me of leaving her with this bill and insisted that I take action. I was confused and told her, “What the heck?” Back in high school, I asked her for help with college, and she agreed, but she never mentioned that she expected me to repay her for the Parent Plus loan afterward! I completely forgot about the Parent Plus loan since it’s not in my name! I’ve been focusing on my own loans. I’ve been working since I was 18, sacrificing a lot of my paychecks and tax returns during college to get a head start on my debt. Now it’s 2025 and I only have $5,000 left to pay off. Being suddenly responsible for a $23,000 loan has me feeling overwhelmed. I’ve talked to some family members, and they think I should help my mom out with this loan, but I feel it’s not fair. Does anyone have any advice? I don’t want to come across as a terrible daughter and ruin our relationship, but I really don’t want to take on this loan.


Cultural and Religious Differences • 15h ago

I'm a 20-year-old guy, and my girlfriend, who is 24, mentioned something today that surprised me. She expressed a wish that my father would die—though that’s not exactly how she said it. How should I respond to that?

Today, I was on the phone with my girlfriend (we're in a long-distance relationship), and she asked me if my father is racist. I told her that, unfortunately, he is, but he’s not a bad person; he’s always kind to everyone, even to those who aren't of the same race. While he hasn't made any overtly racist comments or treated anyone poorly because of their background, he does hold some prejudiced beliefs. Then she asked me how old my father is, and after I told her, she said, "So he's going to be around for a lot longer?" She laughed afterward, but her tone sounded serious. At first, I was confused, but then I realized the implication of what she said. I didn’t confront her about it in the moment because I’m worried about losing her, but it still hurt me. I love her deeply, and I know she loves me too, but I’m unsure how to handle this situation.


Trust and Jealousy • 16h ago

My boyfriend (18M), who I've been with for 2 years, spent 7 hours at his ex-girlfriend's (18F) house on airplane mode on New Year's, completely ignoring me (18F).

My boyfriend, 18, and I, 18, have been struggling with trust issues. He cheated on me before, which I’ve tried to move past, understanding that we’re still young. With Christmas approaching, I was looking forward to spending the day with him, but he ended up ignoring me, which just created more tension between us. On New Year’s, he chose to hang out with a friend (which I’m fine with), but then he suddenly went on airplane mode. When he finally turned it back on, I discovered he was at his ex's house because he forgot to disable his location. He refused to come home, wouldn’t answer my calls, told me it was over, and went into airplane mode for seven hours. The next morning, he called me at 7 AM and asked if we were still together. I was in tears, asking him what happened, but he insisted nothing had occurred. Now, I’m left wondering if I can trust him or not. I don't look anything like his ex, and I’ve shared with him how insecure that makes me feel. He questioned why I let one person affect me this way, but he’s often praised her beauty in the past. I’m not sharing all the details yet because I’m still very shaken and upset about everything—I really need advice on how to confront him, communicate my feelings, and whether my insecurities are justified.


Trust and Jealousy • 17h ago

Is it strange for my girlfriend (24F) to have a male best friend (24M) who is attracted to her?

It seems they've been friends for quite a while, and this guy has a crush on my girlfriend. Although she’s aware of his feelings, she insists she doesn't have any romantic feelings for him, so she thinks there's no reason to be concerned. Nothing has ever happened between them, aside from him asking her out, which she turned down. Despite that, they've maintained their friendship. Do you think this situation is odd?


Trust and Jealousy • 18h ago

What steps should I take if my boyfriend is accessing all my passwords without my permission?

My boyfriend, who is 23, and I, at 21, have been together for about a year. Things were going well until recently when we started experiencing some petty arguments and disagreements. He has revealed that he has been cheated on in the past, and my tendency to be closed off at times doesn’t help the situation. It hasn’t helped that he’s seen the numerous messages and likes I receive on Facebook whenever I post a picture. It began with small things, like him going through my past FaceTime logs and texting unfamiliar numbers, asking whether they’d been in contact with me since we started dating. That was really embarrassing. We talked it over and decided to focus on building more trust. However, I discovered that he has somehow gained access to all my social media accounts. I found this out because he knows specific details about whom I’ve accepted or blocked. Upon checking my settings, I noticed logins from his device and location. I feel vulnerable and that my privacy has been completely violated, and I’m unsure how to handle this situation.


Communication Problems • 18h ago

My boyfriend refuses to stay over at my house, and it led to a disagreement between us.

I'm seeking some advice regarding a disagreement I had with my boyfriend (21M) this past weekend. We've been together for nearly a year and have only gone on two trips together—one of which was paid for by his parents for his birthday. He has also stayed at my house around 3 to 5 times while my parents were away. From the start, it was clear that his parents prefer he doesn't stay over at my house, which I totally respect, especially since they are more traditional. However, they’ve allowed him to stay at my place when my parents are out of town, although he claims it’s reluctantly. Over the last few months, I've brought up the topic of him staying over a couple of times, particularly when it would be more convenient after a night out. Each time, he would either give vague answers like “maybe” or change the subject entirely. About three weeks ago, I asked him if he could stay over for my birthday, as we both had the next day off work. He initially said maybe, but later told me he couldn’t because he had to leave his house by 9:15 AM the next day. This confused me since he lives just a 7-minute drive away. After several excuses, I began feeling frustrated and embarrassed at what felt like me begging for him to stay without getting a clear answer. When my birthday came last weekend, he ultimately chose to go home instead of staying as he had initially mentioned, which left me disappointed since I was looking forward to sharing that day with him. Feeling unsettled, I brought this up later that weekend, expressing that it bothered me he could stay when my parents were away but not when they were home. I just wanted an explanation for his no-shows. I emphasized that I didn’t mind if he didn’t want to stay or if it was due to his parents' wishes, but I needed clarity to stop hoping for something that wouldn’t happen. He reacted by getting annoyed and left shortly after. The next day, we talked, and he mentioned that his mom told him she doesn’t want him staying over when my parents are home. I was fine with that, but it puzzled me why he hadn’t communicated this sooner. He then expressed frustration at how much this seemed to affect me, questioning if he wasn’t good enough and citing other compromises he feels he’s made, like not hanging out with his friends as often, which I took issue with because he still meets them occasionally. He even brought up an unrelated point about wearing matching Christmas pajamas, which felt particularly immature. He argued that since he lives so close, it was easier to go home rather than stay at my place, suggesting he would stay if he lived further away. This upset me because it felt like he was prioritizing convenience over wanting to be with me. During the conversation, I mentioned it could be perceived negatively if he only stayed over when my parents were away, which I regretted saying and apologized for because it wasn’t about him, but rather about how others might view the situation. He didn’t take that well and responded, “if I just wanted sex, I could get it anywhere.” At one point, he made an immature remark, indicating he wouldn’t stay the next time my parents were gone, which I decided to just drop. Ultimately, I ended up apologizing for bringing up my feelings, feeling like I was overreacting, and since then, I’ve been relatively quiet. I feel ashamed and embarrassed about how my concerns were dismissed. All I wanted was for him to understand why this issue was significant to me, and perhaps express that he would like to stay too if his parents were more comfortable. Instead, I felt shut down and even more upset than before.


Long-Term Relationships and Marriage • 20h ago

Is it possible to rekindle my relationship with my partner of 11 years?

**How can I improve my relationship?** I’m struggling to reconnect with my partner (F38) of 11 years, and I’m not sure how to move forward. I don’t want to lose what we’ve built over the last 11 years, but sometimes I feel like she doesn’t love me. I'm not sure if I'm just being overly sensitive or if there’s something more going on. We’re not married, and we don’t have children, and currently, we don’t live together. We cohabited for about four years before breaking up for roughly six months (a decision I made) because I felt there was some resentment on her part. During our breakup, she expressed a desire to get back together and promised to treat me better. We’ve been back together for five years (still not living together), and while things improved initially, I’ve been feeling unappreciated over the past year. Some of her behaviors come across as selfish and immature, but again, I’m questioning if I’m overreacting. Here are some examples: When there’s a shopping bag that needs to be carried, she refuses to do so if it doesn’t contain her items, insisting, “Why should I carry your stuff?” I understand the expectation is that, as the man, I should do the heavy lifting, but it feels like she’d prefer to watch me struggle rather than lend a hand. If I ask for her help, I often receive a snide remark. Societal norms suggest I should be the primary driver in our relationship, but I’m a nervous driver while she is quite confident. She frequently reminds me that she does most of the driving and even uses it as leverage sometimes, saying, “Well, if you want me to drive...” One time, when I was staying at her place, I received a late-night call about my dad's accident. As I anxiously called around hospitals for information, she offered no support or concern—only complained about the noise and the fact that I was keeping her up, waiting until the next day to gripe about it. Since my dad returned home from the hospital, she’s joined me for two visits. Each time, she kept her jacket on and didn’t engage with my parents. If I suggest visiting them, she makes insensitive comments about their home. I feel that, for my sake—someone she claims to love—she should make an effort, even if she finds it uncomfortable. After each visit, she insists I “owe” her for doing something she didn't want to. She seems to expect me to focus on my own activities when she’s busy, but when she’s free, she wants us to spend that time together. I’m not talking about social outings; I mean pursuing my own hobbies. I can’t shake the feeling that she’s unhappy, as her main pastime appears to be mindlessly watching TV. While she talks about “quality time,” that often just means sitting together in front of the screen. If I try to engage in my hobby while she watches, it seems to upset her. When it comes to children, we both felt ready to start a family a few years back, and we even visited a fertility clinic. We were told we needed to make lifestyle changes, which we both accomplished. However, when I bring up returning to the clinic, she declares she’s no longer interested in having children because she feels too old and wants to enjoy life without the responsibilities, which breaks my heart. I’ve always wanted to be a dad, and I’m struggling to understand how her feelings could change so drastically over time. Had she originally expressed this sentiment, it would’ve been a deal-breaker for me. Our sex life is also suffering, likely my fault, as I don’t have much of a sex drive. It’s challenging to feel desire when I sense a lack of love and intimacy from her. Despite being on medication for depression, she has once remarked she would prefer a “crazy and horny” version of me over a “sane but not horny” one. At this point, I feel lost, confused, and hurt. I don’t want to end an 11-year relationship, but I’m uncertain if I can make her happy or if she truly loves me. **TL;DR:** I'm a 35-year-old man in a distant 11-year relationship with a 38-year-old woman. I need advice on how to reconnect and improve our situation.


Family Conflicts • 21h ago

My girlfriend's brother is upset with us because we didn’t let him stay at our house.

My girlfriend and I recently moved into a private house about six months ago. We're still in the process of furnishing it and currently only have one bed for sleeping. During the holiday season, my girlfriend's brother returned from abroad. A few days after his arrival, he informed my girlfriend that he would be staying with us. This was a definitive statement rather than a question, and he didn’t clarify how long he intended to stay or check if we even had space for him. He simply assumed that since we live in a house, there would be room for him. Generally, we had a good relationship with him, and we had jokingly mentioned that one of the rooms could be his. However, this was all in good fun, especially considering that during the construction of our house, many, including my girlfriend’s family, questioned why we needed so much space for our 80-square-meter home. When we first met after his announcement, it was at dinner at our parents' place. At that dinner, he asked my girlfriend, “Have you prepared a bed for me?” My girlfriend attempted to explain that he hadn't even asked if we were okay with him staying and that we wanted to spend quality time together during the holidays. She also mentioned that he had other options, such as staying with their parents. He reacted strongly, expressing his upset and even tried to shame us in front of the family by saying we were denying him a place to stay. Interestingly, he still hadn’t booked his return flight back to the country where he works, more than a week after this incident, which suggested he might have expected to stay with us for up to two weeks. Since then, he hasn’t communicated with us. He’s in his mid-20s, older than my girlfriend, and I've noticed similar situations where he prioritizes his feelings. This situation is taking a toll on my girlfriend, as she feels sad about the fallout. Ultimately, the decision not to accommodate her brother was mutual between us. Yesterday, my girlfriend reached out to him via message, attempting to clarify that he might have had unrealistic expectations and that it was partially our fault. However, she also pointed out that he should have communicated better and initiated a discussion instead of making demands. He responded with an aggressive message, criticizing us for not allowing him to stay in our "big house" and dismissing our concerns about lack of additional bedding. He claimed not to be angry, just disappointed, and mentioned that he just wanted to spend time with us. He also made a comment comparing us to their mother’s sister and her husband, who do not communicate. What should we do in this situation? How can we resolve this amicably?


Trust and Jealousy • 1d ago

Ended the relationship with my boyfriend because he was liking pictures.

I'm a 25-year-old woman and my long-distance boyfriend is 29. We’ve been together for nine months, and our relationship felt like a fairytale. We had known each other for years before finally getting together. He would fly out from another state every few months to spend time with me, treating me exceptionally well throughout our relationship. I genuinely fell in love with him and appreciated how he treated me. However, there was one issue: he frequently liked photos of other women on Facebook, particularly one in particular. This really bothered me and felt disrespectful, so I brought it up with him twice. Each time I expressed my concerns, he would shut down and go silent, unsure of how to respond. I found this very frustrating, but I did my best to remain patient and give him time to process. His responses usually included comments like, “You think every guy doesn’t do this?” and “We’re not married, so I don’t think it’s fair for you to ask me to stop doing that.” It seems that I can’t request respect until we’re married, which leaves me feeling disillusioned and confused. Despite everything, he has been a great boyfriend in many ways. He made me feel safe, cherished, and invested a lot in our relationship. If he was willing to put in the effort to visit me regularly, why couldn't he just agree to this simple boundary? I'm torn about whether I should reach out again or stick with my decision to give him space. I genuinely cared about our relationship, and the thought that he must have loved and cared for me makes this even harder to understand. I want to clarify that I'm not looking for validation regarding my feelings or anyone to tell me I'm insecure. This is simply a boundary I've established. I can’t be in a relationship where another woman is constantly aware that she has his attention. I don’t understand why he could be so wonderful in other aspects yet overlook this important concern. I’m tempted to reach out to him, but I also want to maintain my self-respect and let him take the initiative. Am I making a mistake by holding back, or should I send him a message? I'm really unsure.


Parenting and Raising Children • 1d ago

My boyfriend is worried about the man I will eventually marry.

I'm a 20-year-old woman, and my boyfriend, also 20, and I have been in a relationship for 14 months. Last night, we had a conversation about my plans for my body once I have more money. I mentioned that I want to get laser hair removal first and then a female vasectomy. He asked if I was serious, and I explained that while I want to have kids someday, I prefer to adopt. The thought of being pregnant really scares me, and I don't think I ever want to experience it. I also mentioned that while my feelings could change, I feel firm about my decision for now. He expressed that he wants us to have a biological child together. I was surprised and pointed out that he seems uncertain about marrying me. He said that if we were to marry, we could have kids together. I explained to him that pregnancy involves not just having a child, but also physical pain, postpartum depression, and more. He responded by saying that pain is something I would have to endure, and he would be there to support me emotionally and mentally. This annoyed me, and I decided to end the conversation. Today, he brought the topic up again, and I told him I didn’t want to discuss it because I didn't feel he would understand. He insisted on talking about it and criticized me for being "immature" for making this decision for myself, claiming I'm too young to figure this out. He accused me of being selfish for viewing pregnancy as painful and not considering how he feels about having a child. He said I come off as narcissistic for only thinking about my own feelings. I asked why he couldn't accept that it's my body and my choice, regardless of age. He argued that in marriage everything would be shared, and nothing would belong solely to me or him. I told him that if that’s his perspective, he might need to rethink it; otherwise, I'd be concerned about my potential future as his wife. I also mentioned that if I couldn't find someone who thinks like me, I’d be better off alone. He then accused me of being ready to leave this relationship for someone else and said he was genuinely worried about my future husband. So, am I in the wrong here? **TL;DR:** My boyfriend believes I'm immature for not wanting to get pregnant and wanting to adopt instead. He thinks I'm selfish and too young to make this decision for myself. Am I wrong for feeling this way?


Breakups and Divorces • 1d ago

How to comprehend or handle my girlfriend

Hello, Reddit community. This is my first time asking a question here, so I appreciate your understanding if I make any mistakes. I'm a 22-year-old male, and I've been navigating a challenging situation with my girlfriend, who is also 22. The past few months have been quite a rollercoaster for me, and I’m struggling to understand what she wants. About a month ago, she broke up with me, saying that I made her feel suffocated and that she wasn't being herself. It hit me hard—I was devastated and felt blindsided. A few days later, after some time apart, she reached out to me, acknowledging that her actions weren't right, and we ended up meeting for coffee to discuss things. During our meeting, she expressed that she wants to pursue a job that is completely different from what we had planned together. This choice seems to create unnecessary distance between us, and she said, "I want to do what I want." Despite this, I tried to be supportive. Now, a month has passed, and I feel a growing disconnect between us. She's just 20 minutes away by bike, but despite my efforts to suggest going out together—something I believe is important—she remains unengaged. She claims she feels disconnected yet says she loves me and is excited about our future, which leaves me confused. She insists that if we were to end things, she wouldn't be happy and that I deserve better. I apologize for the lengthy message. I worry that I don’t understand her well enough, and I'm stretching myself thin trying to keep our relationship alive. We used to share a strong bond, but that spark seems to have faded. I’m doing everything I can, but her lack of effort is disheartening, especially since this was never an issue before. I genuinely don't know how to approach this situation. I struggle with the thought of breaking up because I’ve never loved anyone as deeply as I love her. She's the only person I've ever felt this way for, and right now, it feels like she's both incredibly close to me and yet very far away.


Trust and Jealousy • 1d ago

My long-distance girlfriend (21F) groped her friend in front of me while she was drunk. (I’m 24M)

Around New Year's, I visited my long-distance girlfriend in the town where she attends university. On New Year's Eve, we had some of her friends from work over, along with a friend of mine from university. We played drinking games before going out. During this time, my girlfriend got excessively drunk and, despite my suggestion to prepare some food together before our guests arrived, she refused. Instead, we ended up having just a piece of toast, planning to grab takeaway in town later. She drank a lot of gin, and although we tried to encourage her to drink water, she declined. When I pulled her aside to say, "Hey, you need to slow down; we still need to get into the bar, and you're starting to drop and break things," she became offended, feeling like I was treating her like a child. I decided to let it go, thinking she was an adult and could handle herself. Once we arrived at the bar, things seemed to be going smoothly, but one of her close friends was working at another bar and suggested we head there for discounted drinks after his shift ended. I declined, explaining that he would be coming to our bar, and I didn't mention that cheap cocktails wouldn't be a good idea at that point. This seemed to frustrate her even more. Much later, we celebrated New Year's, but there was still tension between us, making it hard for me to enjoy the evening. I ended up stepping outside to the smokers' section, where her friend came up, handed me a shot, and asked why we seemed upset with each other. I honestly replied that I didn't even know. At that moment, my girlfriend walked out, approached her friend, grabbed him inappropriately, looked at him, and then walked away. He and I were both taken aback, and I said, "What the hell was that?" He was equally stunned and shrugged in confusion. This incident filled me with anger, prompting me to say, "Forget this, I'm leaving," and I decided to go to another bar with my friend and enjoy some drinks just with him. Now, this situation has shaken my trust in her. I recognize that I have insecurities about her being a young, attractive woman partying at university, and while we've discussed these concerns in the past and had built trust, this incident has me questioning everything. If she could act like that in front of me, I can't help but wonder what she might be doing when I'm not around. In my frustration, I suggested we take a break. She cried and pleaded with me to reconsider, and eventually, I caved. Now that I'm back home, I'm left trying to sort through my feelings. Additionally, she has exams coming up, and I had planned a trip to my parents' apartment in the Alps for skiing afterward. But now, I'm uncertain if I want to do that, especially if she doesn't seem to realize the gravity of her actions. It feels unfair to reward that behavior with a lavish trip. I think I might be overreacting, but I can't shake the feeling that if the roles were reversed, there would be serious repercussions for me simply for approaching a woman that way. It's all very confusing and frustrating, and I would appreciate any thoughts on this situation.


Toxic Relationships • 1d ago

My 39-year-old partner, who is 38, is struggling with alcoholism. I feel like he’s not the person I married, and I'm uncertain about what to do next.

I married my husband seven years ago, and when we first started dating, he was incredibly dedicated to his sobriety, having been sober for over four years. We were very active together, and it never posed a problem for us. I admired his strength in overcoming his past struggles. However, during the Covid pandemic, his father passed away, and he began drinking again. It caught me off guard, but he was initially moderate about it, as the loss hit him hard—he fell into a deep depression. After the birth of our second child, I felt we should relocate closer to family for support. That was two years ago, and since then, things have become increasingly difficult. He resents me for the move and brings it up constantly. I've worked hard to create a comfortable home, advanced in my career, and recently landed my dream job that pays well—I'm now responsible for most of our expenses, including healthcare, mortgage, and daycare. Meanwhile, he seems unmotivated to progress in his own career or engage in much at all. He works from home and spends his days drinking. When he’s not working, he’s glued to his phone and drinking, often avoiding meaningful conversations. He tends to lose interest or walk away while I'm speaking, claiming it’s due to his ADHD. We've talked many times about his drinking, but his responses vary from acknowledging the issue and promising to work on it to insisting that I’m overreacting. Our children, aged five and two, are starting to notice his behavior. He often gets frustrated with them and has outbursts, which is concerning; I’ve even seen my five-year-old yelling at his brother in a similar way. Other troubling behaviors have also caught my attention. I’m feeling utterly exhausted. It seems like I’m shouldering all the responsibilities, and it no longer feels like a partnership. I’m becoming someone I don't recognize—filled with nagging and anger. I’m at a loss about what to do, and I feel like I’m on the verge of giving up. This isn’t the man I married, and I fear I may never get him back.


Trust and Jealousy • 1d ago

Am I overreacting by suspecting my partner might be cheating, or is it just my insecurity?

Hey Reddit, I'm a 30-year-old woman seeking some perspective because I feel like I'm starting to spiral. My significant other, who's 27, has a close coworker, and even though he says she's a lesbian (which I completely respect), their relationship makes me uneasy. They communicate constantly, often more than he and I do, and she frequently joins his Twitch streams, even when we're gaming together. Whenever I bring it up, he downplays my concerns, saying I'm overthinking and reminding me that she's not interested in men. Still, my instinct tells me that something isn't quite right, even though I recognize that my feelings might be influenced by insecurity and past trauma from relationships that ended due to "just friends." I've been honest with him about my insecurities and history, but it feels like he's dismissive of my feelings. I don’t want to project my issues onto him, but I also don’t want to overlook any potential red flags. So, Reddit, am I overreacting? Is this feeling rooted in my trauma and insecurity, or is there something that warrants a conversation? How can I address this without coming across as accusatory or irrational? Thank you for your support.


Sexual Problems and Intimacy • 1d ago

My girlfriend told me, "I'm not interested in being intimate with you until you figure out how to approach me. Please don't ask for it."

My girlfriend told me, "I'm not interested in having sex with you until you figure out how to approach me." Hi! I'm a 22-year-old femme lesbian, and I’ve been dating my girlfriend, a 36-year-old masc lesbian, for nearly four months. Just a couple of days ago, she asked me to officially be her girlfriend, which thrilled me! But this morning, when I tried to initiate intimacy, she declined, saying, "You always just want to have sex; you need to find different ways to express your feelings." That was a bit disheartening, but I didn’t let it show and made her lunch before she left for work. Later in our conversation, I asked her how I could turn her on or approach her differently. She mentioned that she didn’t want to have to explain it to me, which really upset me. We had a similar disagreement around Christmas, where I reacted the same way when she didn’t give me a gift. At that time, she said she didn’t think it was necessary since our relationship was still new, and I felt I shouldn’t have to remind her to show her affection. For some background, I’m recently divorced from a pretty toxic marriage. I met my current girlfriend while navigating that difficult time. Although I’ve moved on, it has been challenging to let go of my past, despite the abuse I experienced. My new girlfriend and I have worked through some of this, and I’m genuinely sorry for how it all unfolded. I don’t have much experience in relationships or being intimate, so it can be a struggle for me. I try to express my affection in other ways—cooking for her, giving gifts, cleaning her place, and occasionally dressing up in lingerie or cute robes. She has also borrowed $700 from me without paying it back yet! I want to be a good partner and contribute equally, but it feels like she expects more from me, while she isn’t as proactive in planning dates or giving romantic gestures. When I bring it up, she responds with comments like, "This relationship is so new; I haven’t had a chance to" or "I just need to take my time and be patient." How can I communicate with her effectively without it leading to an argument or disagreement?


Friendship and Relationships • 1d ago

My former friend with benefits invited me (27M) and my girlfriend (25F) to her Shabbat dinner, and I'm feeling uneasy about it. What should I do?

In 2021, while living at home, I met a girl named Clare (26F) on Hinge. We spent some time together and started hooking up, but we both agreed early on that we weren’t looking for a relationship. For a year, we kept hanging out and being intimate, mainly due to the boredom of the COVID times. Eventually, Clare decided to end things for good, as our casual arrangement was leading to complicated feelings for her. After that, we didn’t speak for six months and moved on with our lives. Eventually, we reconnected through text and confirmed that we were okay with each other. Since then, our conversations have been infrequent, usually just random chats or occasional life updates. I’ve always enjoyed our talks and view her as a good person, but I’ve never felt any romantic attraction toward her. Shortly after reconnecting, I moved into my own place and started dating a girl named Alison, who has now been my girlfriend for almost two years. Clare also entered a serious relationship for a while, but that has since ended. About a month ago, Clare reached out with a random question, and after I responded, she began texting me more often, which felt a bit unusual. She then mentioned that she had recently converted to Judaism and invited me to a Shabbat dinner she’s hosting in January, asking me to bring my girlfriend (she knows I’ve been in a relationship for some time). I panicked and replied, “I’ll let you know,” but haven’t followed up since. Clare texted again about the dinner and even called me, but I didn’t pick up. I genuinely believe Clare is only looking for a friendly connection. It seems she doesn’t have many friends and wants to expand her social circle, seeing me as someone she’d like to keep in touch with. However, I feel uneasy about this for two reasons: (1) We have a sexual history, and I’m in a relationship now, and (2) I already have a lot of friends, and Clare isn’t connected to my social circle. My girlfriend knows about Clare, but I rarely mention her since she isn’t significant to me. I can imagine that she wouldn’t be comfortable attending Shabbat dinner with my former friends-with-benefits. Plus, going to that dinner would imply that I’m interested in developing a closer friendship with Clare, which isn’t the case. At the same time, blocking or cutting off Clare feels excessive, as keeping in touch occasionally doesn’t seem harmful. I’m unsure of how to address this without coming across as unkind. - - - - - - - - *TL;DR* I’ve kept in sporadic contact with an old FWB, and now I have a long-term girlfriend. Recently, Clare reached out more, mentioning her conversion to Judaism and inviting us to a Shabbat dinner. I think she wants a closer friendship because she lacks friends, but I’m uncomfortable and unsure how to decline without being hurtful.


Family Conflicts • 1d ago

Reason for worry? 29 males - 28 females.

My fiancé (29M) and I (28F) are currently at an emotional impasse. When we began dating three years ago, he expressed a strong fondness for animals and was incredibly affectionate toward my special needs dog. I cherished his love for my dog, as I feel the same way. In return, I’ve treated his special needs cat as if she were my own, giving her equal care and affection. However, over the past year, I’ve noticed that his attitude toward my dog has changed. While he still feeds him and takes him outside, he no longer shows affection. When my dog approaches him for cuddles or pets, my fiancé often tries to push him away, prompting me to remind him, "He's excited to see you; could you please just give him a little pat on the head?" I feel like I shouldn't have to ask for basic kindness. Yesterday morning, we took my dog to the vet to address worsening skin issues, and my fiancé reacted with visible disgust and annoyance towards him. Afterward, I asked him about it and expressed how hurt I felt by his behavior. He admitted that the worsening condition grosses him out and that he thinks dogs are inherently less clean than cats. This revelation concerns me, as I never expected this to be an issue in our relationship. I adore all animals, but I primarily identify as a dog lover. Now, I can't shake the feeling that his initial affection for my dog was insincere. I still love my fiancé, but I'm worried about our future with dogs or other animals. Will he feel disgusted as they age or encounter issues? Am I overreacting and taking this too personally? I would appreciate any advice. Thank you!


Infidelity • 1d ago

Am I (20F) overreacting about my boyfriend's (19M) actions?

I've been dating my boyfriend for about a year and a half, and we started talking a year before we officially became a couple. Generally, he’s the sweetest guy, so what he did really surprised me. Back in July, I went out with my best friends to smoke some weed, and then I returned to his place because I didn't want to go home. I was really out of it and couldn’t think clearly; everything felt blurry. During that time, he took advantage of me and had sex with me despite my uncertainty when he asked. After that incident, I broke up with him for about a month, but we got back together when he promised it wouldn't happen again. Now, about six months have passed, and every time I see him or think about our relationship, bad memories resurface. I find myself questioning things and struggling to move on. I’ve talked to him about how I feel, and he apologized, expressing regret and assuring me it wouldn’t happen again. Despite this, I can't help but spiral into negative thoughts. I'm torn about whether breaking up is the right choice. I genuinely believe he loves me, and this was out of character for him. Still, I've started to feel resentment, which he isn't aware of, and I haven't confided in anyone except my best friend. She suggested I end the relationship, but I'd like a different perspective since she's never liked him much. What should I do?


Trust and Jealousy • 1d ago

How can I overcome feeling uncomfortable when my boyfriend laughs with other women?

The title pretty much sums it up. I'm a 22-year-old female (turning 23 in 5 days! :3), and my boyfriend is a 28-year-old male. We live together in a small camper, which is essentially just one room, and he works from home. This setup isn't ideal since I'm at home for school, meaning I have to stick to my desk during his work hours because he needs a quiet space without distractions (which I totally understand). As a result, I overhear all his calls, and about once a week, he has a meeting with his manager—a woman. Their conversations often start off lightheartedly with casual discussions before they get down to business about what needs to be done. What really bothers me is how much he laughs during those calls. I think it triggers my jealousy, especially since she’s another woman, and it makes me feel insecure to hear him having such a good time. Even though I try to rationalize it, sitting at my desk and hearing him giggle like she's the funniest person ever really gets under my skin. I want to learn how to handle this maturely and move past these feelings. I also know he’s probably just trying to impress her for a promotion. Rationalizing doesn’t stop my feelings of upset, but I don’t let it affect our relationship, nor do I mention it to him because I recognize that it’s my own issue. I wish I could just let it go. It doesn’t help that he jokes around with other women too. He got somewhat close to one coworker, even calling her "by far his favorite," which I stumbled upon. He explained that he was using her to gauge what others thought of him, I guess because he believes people might be envious of his work performance. Since then, I've felt increasingly uneasy whenever he talks and jokes with any female colleagues, including his manager. Edit: I probably should have titled this "with other women." My bad!


Friendship and Relationships • 1d ago

Should I engage in a challenging discussion with my friend?

I, a 50-year-old woman, have close friendships with three remarkable women in their 60s and 70s, and their support means the world to me. However, I need to have a tough conversation with Caitlin, who is 72, about her behavior and how it affects me, especially since we both attend several groups together. In one of our meetings, she has been engaging in behavior that could be emotionally harmful—specifically, she frequently crosstalks by offering advice directly to other members, which is against the group's rules. Although the members, a mix of men and women in their 50s to 70s, have discussed this issue, she has not changed her behavior. Since there isn't a designated leader in this group and we all take turns leading, this situation makes it harder to address. I worry that if we can't find a resolution or if she resents my approach, it could jeopardize my participation in these shared groups. There's a risk that I might lose my friendships if the others choose to side with her. Given these potential consequences, should I speak up about this issue?


Trust and Jealousy • 1d ago

"I'm curious to find out if your boyfriend or husband does this." (28F, 30M)

My husband is 30 and I’m 28; we got married six months ago after being in a long-distance relationship for five years. He loves me and takes care of everything, but I’ve noticed that on his Instagram and Reddit, he likes posts from celebrities and porn stars. A few times, this made me really upset, and I caused a big scene, which led him to change his passwords so I wouldn't see what he was doing online and react angrily. At first, I thought, "It’s your life; you can do what you want, as long as you’re not cheating." However, now that I can't see his activity when he's out with friends or at work, I find myself having negative thoughts. I'm confident he wouldn't date anyone else or spend money on another girl, but I still feel insecure when I see him engaging with other women online. I just want to know, is this normal behavior for guys? In short, I'm curious whether my husband's actions are inappropriate or if this is typical behavior among committed men.


Dating and Starting Relationships • 1d ago

Complicated relationship

Hello everyone, I’m a 30-year-old woman, and I’ve been seeing a 29-year-old man for over three months now. We meet up 2-3 times a week and engage in activities that feel genuinely like a relationship—there’s physical, emotional, and intimate connection. Our families and friends are aware of us, and we frequently spend the night at each other’s homes. He is incredibly kind, sweet, and attentive, and he openly expresses his affection for me, even in public. However, I'm a bit unclear about where I stand in this relationship. Are we exclusively dating, or is it something different? We haven’t really put a label on what we have, and I find myself questioning if I’m overthinking this uncertainty. I would appreciate any advice you might have on how to navigate this situation. Thank you!


Toxic Relationships • 1d ago

My (23, Transgender Male) situationship with a 22-year-old guy is quite unstable.

I've (23FTM) been involved in a situationship with a guy (22M) for a few months, and lately, I've found myself increasingly unsure about where things stand. Let me give you some background... We were together for a few days when he realized he needed some space from relationships. He told me he needed time, started seeing someone else a few weeks later, and stated it was because I'm "difficult." However, that relationship ended within a week because he genuinely needed time to work on himself. He has told me that he still likes me, but maintains that he needs to focus on self-improvement first. Even though this situation hurt me, I held onto hope that we could possibly make it work in the future. We recently took a trip to a hotel in another city to celebrate the holidays and enjoy some drinks. While it was a good time, I've started reflecting on our issues and the moments when I felt hurt. 1. We have significant differences that might seem trivial to others. I’m a huge movie fan, especially of comedies, while he enjoys movies but shies away from any hint of


Low Self-Esteem and Personal Growth • 1d ago

My relationship (19M and 18F) is taking a toll on my mental health. What steps can I take to improve the situation?

I want to start by sharing my situation: I’m a 19-year-old guy, and I’ve been with my girlfriend, who is 18, for about four months. The first couple of months were great; we spent a lot of time together, cuddled, and talked for hours every day. However, things took a turn after those initial two months. She started being distant, with slow replies and a desire for space. I used to be somewhat cold and didn’t want anyone getting too close, but that changed when I became physically close to her. I really enjoyed holding her and being close, but now, for the past two months, she has seemed to withdraw both physically and emotionally. She tells me she’s still interested, but that just adds to my anxiety. For the last two months, I’ve been dealing with chest pain and high blood pressure that has even led me to the emergency room. I had a panic attack on New Year’s Eve while we were in another city with her best friend. I felt completely alone while they were occupied with their activities. What triggered my anxiety was overhearing them play a game I had bought her, and when a question about happiness in the relationship came up, they went silent and then laughed. That’s when I started shaking and couldn’t breathe; I had to leave the apartment in that moment. When I returned, she only asked if I was okay and didn’t offer much else. During our trip, she stayed on the other side of the bed, facing away from me every night. I’ve been feeling unwell for the past two months, and I’m at a loss about what to do. I’m afraid and don’t feel safe opening up to her anymore. She doesn’t initiate conversations but wants me to keep messaging her, and I’m struggling. I don’t recognize myself anymore. I’ve given her everything—emotionally, physically, and financially—as much as I could, and I wish she would reciprocate in some way. Instead, she always seems irritated. When I tell her I don’t feel like I’m enough for her, she reassures me that I am, but her actions don’t reflect that. Our conversations often end with a simple “fair,” and nothing changes. I know she has her own issues, and I’ve tried to be understanding, but I’ve changed so much for her that I don’t even recognize the person in the mirror anymore. My self-confidence has completely disappeared. I love her and don’t want to walk away, but this situation is becoming unmanageable for me. I’d really appreciate any advice or support, and I apologize for venting, but I can’t keep carrying this weight alone.